honey, you look pretty today"?
Wilt thou be understanding when
she is tired, headachy or upset?
When she feels ugly
or has a big pimple on her chin?
Wilt thou not be such a pig
when you shower?
Wilt thou listen patiently to stories
about kids, colds, clothes, shoes
and decorator chequebook covers?
I will.
For as much as Kristen and Jefferson
have consented together in holy wedlock,
and have witnessed the same
before God and this company,
by the joining of hands and
the giving and exchanging of rings,
I pronounce
that they are husband and wife,
whom therefore
God hath joined together,
let no man put asunder.
You may now kiss the bride.
But don't mess up
her hair or her face
because she still has
to have her picture taken.
Go for it.
I had graduated college
and, for reasons not clear to us,
we decided I should pursue
my master's degree.
Kristy had her degree and insisted I
get mine before she began her career.
There wasn't time for the Bahamas,
or even Niagara Falls.
We spent our honeymoon on an
interstate highway to New Mexico.
Kristy, back and forth and
back and forth and back and forth.
Babe, I got it.
Babe, you're wrinkling up
all of the central states. I see it.
I'm not...
The world's biggest bow tie.
Our first address.
Not pretty, but cheap.
And happy. Sort of.
- You don't like fish?
- I love fish.
- If you loved it, you'd eat it.
- No, I honestly love it.
It's just a little overwhelming
to have swordfish and...
Trout.
- And over here?
- Grouper. It's grouper.
It's grouper.
- The fries are good.
- That's breaded smelt.
What are you doing?
I didn't know what you liked. I'm trying
to make you happy and you mock me.
Kristy, come on.
Jake...
I have to do something with myself.
I have to get a job or take classes.
You'll weigh 400lbs. I'm not mad.
I don't like fish, either.
You don't need to get a job.
You don't need to take classes.
- I got to get out of here.
- Don't start that!
Come on. College is like
high school with ashtrays.
- I don't know where I'm going.
- You have two more years.
It doesn't matter if you don't know
where you're going now.
I learnt nothing as an undergraduate.
I'm learning less in graduate school.
Davis started his own business.
Yeah, with his dad's money.
I don't think you'd do that.
At least his life has begun.
Mine is on indefinite hold.
- You really want to leave?
- I can't think of any reason to stay.
Jefferson, can you tell Grandpa
why Bumble Bunny
was such a happy little rabbit?
- Because he went to college.
- Boy, are you a smart little fellow!
- And what did he get in college?
- A master's degree.
A master's degree.
What would have happened to him
if he hadn't gone to college
and gotten that master's degree?
Probably end up working on a loading
dock and hating every minute of it.
You're going to college to get
a master's degree, aren't you?
Yes, sir.
Then you'll never end up working
on a loading dock, no sir!
College boy!
- Morty, how about those Cubs?
- Shut up!
Morty, did you catch
that PBS special last night,
- "Animals of the Australian..."
- Shut up!
- Shut up!
- I didn't say anything.
I think a man can judge
his success or failure
by the amount of overtime
his wife works, eh, Jake?
I don't work late
because we need the money.
- We don't. We're fine.
- That's true, Russ.
What do you know?
Did we really raise her to answer
telephones and live in a shoe box?
- We didn't come here to get insulted.
- Oh, is he above criticism?
Jake, Kristy says you're uncomfortable
calling us Mom and Dad.
- Why don't you call us by our...
- Gayle, will you please...!
...names?
If you're going to piss your life away
writing some goddamn book
that nobody is ever
going to give a crap about,
why did you involve
my daughter?
If she gets pregnant,
what will you do?
Three can't live on what you make.
Two can't live on what you make.