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will you?
(CAMERA CLICKING)
Corinne, your love is a prize
I could never forsake.
That is one of your better lines.
- Hi, Dex.
- Hi there, Barney.
Now, don't mind me.
Just keep on doing what you're doing.
- Well, we only have one more game left.
- That's right.
And don't forget you promised
to let me bat once before I leave.
Barn, you're the greatest
statistician I ever had.
And you're a scientific whiz kid to boot.
If I was you,
I wouldn't be worried about no baseball.
Now, when I was your age
I was always out whoring around,
- having myself a good old time.
- Well, I wish I was whoring around.
No, you don't.
Them women is trouble.
First come the woman
and then the whiskey.
We used to call that
the devil's double whammy.
But you know something,
my old lady won't let me eat
salami no more.
Says it causes cancer.
Maybe you ought to drop this petunia shit
and figure out a cure for that sucker.
Because I can't live
in this world without salami.
No weenies either.
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
Talking about trouble,
here's the stickball king himself.
Just following in your footsteps, Dexter.
You wish.
Well, I guess I'll be going, fellas.
So, take care, Barney.
See you later, Dex.
And you get your rich ass to practice
on time today, you hear?
Sure thing, Coach.
Thanks for stopping by.
So how we doing, Barn?
Not bad.
I'm almost finished.
This is the oil I extracted
from the first crop.
I'm gonna give Edgar a dose now.
This ought to get him blasted.
Edgar seems to be exhibiting
signs of paranoid schizophrenia.
His brain is fried.
Hey, Barn, how do you tell
when they're stoned?
Well, they...
Hand me that beaker, will you?
Sure.
Well, first of all,
they eat twice their weight in cheese,
and they roll over
and stare at this little red light.
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
Hi, Peyton. I'm here to interview
Barney for the Senior Edition.
Sorry, Bernadette,
but Barney's in the middle
of an extremely delicate
cross-pollenization.
Well, then how about
just a couple of pictures?
No pictures in the lab, Bernadette.
Well, I need a picture of Barney
by his orchids.
- That's what the...
- All right, I'll take them.
Barney is very busy now, okay?
Sure, I'll be back tomorrow.
Fine.
There's no such word as pollenization.
Whatever. She's a pain.
Look, I gotta run, Barn.
I'll catch you later, okay?
See you.
(ZAPPING)
Edgar, how did you get that?
All right, eat.
But you realize I'll have to give you
a bigger dose now to counteract the food.
(ZAPPING)
(ZAPPING)
(GROANS)
Barney bonehead.
Up yours.
- MRS. SPRINGBORO: Barney, is that you?
- Hey. Hi, Alvy. How you doing?
Hi, I'm home.
MRS. SPRINGBORO: Where were you?
Your mother was worried.
I was at the lab. I had some work to do.
MRS. SPRINGBORO: Would you come here,
please? Your father wants to talk to you.
MAN ON RADIO: Hounded by hemorrhoids?
Then have a Relaxo fruit juice break.
And now back to
our regularly scheduled program.
I saved you some supper,
but you don't deserve it.
You're right. I don't deserve it.
Don't get smart with your mother.
- BARNEY: Sorry.
- What happened to you?
Nothing. I just had a little accident
in the lab. That's all.
I think this laboratory nonsense
has gotten out of hand.
You don't go out with girls.
When are you gonna ask
somebody to the prom?
When I find the right girl, Mom. Okay?
I have some homework to do.
- Should we?
- Let's leave it till tomorrow.
No. I think we should do it now.
(SIGHS)
(WHINING)
Barney, your mother and I
are very concerned.
It's your attitude.
Not to mention your late hours
and loss of appetite.
Son, roll up your sleeves.
- Should we check between his toes?
- What's going on?
Your father and I went to a drug
education seminar at the school.
Are you a junkie, Son?
- Right, Dad.
- Don't talk to your father like that.
- What's the matter, Barney?
- Nothing's the matter.
All right.
We'll discuss it further
Стукнутый Стукнутый

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