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Toilets are dumb.
I think this is a complicated problem.
We're not talking about
your average toilet malady.
There is something very,
very wrong with this toilet.
You tried to fix it?
Yeah, I listened to it with my stethoscope!
Now, I asked you three times.
I cannot live without a toilet!
Holling spent years without a toilet,
didn't you, Holling?
In the bush.
Didn't bring no porta-johnny.
Look, um,
I'm not the Grizzly Adams type.
I had a friend who joined the Peace Corps
and went to the African National Republic
and he had a toilet!
It's terrible what's happening in Africa.
It's one of the reasons
why I stopped killing the big guys.
You're welcome to use my john, Joel.
Later, as I sat
in a juvenile detention home,
rereading those poems
that had opened up the artist in me,
I was blindsided
by the raging fist of my incarcerator
who informed me
that Walt Whitman's homoerotic,
unnatural pornographic
sentiments were unacceptable
and would not be allowed in an institution
dedicated to reforming the ill-formed.
That Whitman, that great bear of a man,
enjoyed the pleasures of other men
came as a great surprise to me,
and made me reconsider the queers
that I had previously kicked around.
Uncle, what are you doing?
I've been eavesdropping
on a couple of ruddy turnstones.
They're in the middle of their migration.
There's a lot of pressure to mate
but no one seems to be complaining.
Didn't you get my message
about your doctor's appointment?
Mrs Anku might have said something
about something.
But I knew if it were very important,
you'd track me down.
And right in time
to help me strip some bark.
Well, you know,
if we don't leave now, we'll be late,
and Dr Fleischman
is a particular kind of fellow.
Just these two red willows.
Then we can go
and pick some loganberries
before the bears feast on 'em.
You won't come?
How can I? With my schedule?
I'm overbooked as it is.
It won't take long. Uncle...
Today's already shot.
And tomorrow I promised Julia Chigliak
I'd get her the red willow bark
for her migraines.
She won't take aspirin. Even though
she knows it's the same thing.
Julia Chigliak can wait one day.
Not with her aches and pains.
Maybe she should go see Dr Fleischman.
Hi, Ed. Make yourself comfortable.
Can I get you a cup of coffee?
Maybe a footrest?
No, thanks. Maybe later.
My uncle won't come in.
Your uncle?
- Right. Why? He doesn't like doctors?
- He doesn't trust them.
- Why's that?
- He is a doctor.
Really? Which kind?
- Witch.
- Which which?
- Witch what?
- Which doctor?
Right.
- Your uncle is a witch doctor?
- Well, more like a medicine man.
No kidding.
Well, I'd love to catch his act some time.
He hasn't been practising much lately.
I think he's sick.
What kind of sick?
He's tired.
My aunt says he has blood in his urine.
- OK. I want to see him. Bring him in.
- He won't do it.
He's the head honcho.
I think he thinks it's bad for his image.
Look, blood in his urine
can be a really serious thing.
I know but, you know,
he's got his reputation.
Yeah, but I think I should see him
as soon as possible.
My aunt's invited you
to dinner tomorrow night.
To dinner?
Yeah. That way
you can see him and check him out.
Does he know you're doing this?
No.
...the musical shuttle
Out of the Ninth-month midnight...
Haul your ass out of that chair, Stevens!
- Maurice...
- I said get your butt outta that chair now!
I appreciate your dressing up
to fix the toilet.
Rick and I are going out.
I'm only here because I know what an
incessant, complaining nag you can be.
You do have toilets in New York,
don't you?
I tried fixing it. I am not very good
at this stuff. I never have been.
Really?
What do you know?
I'm sorry if my incompetence
offends your idea of Alaskan self-reliance.
Why don't you call Anchorage? Tell 'em
I don't fit in and should be transferred...
Is that it, Fleischman?
If you play the
Северная сторона Северная сторона

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