what?
I feel bad enough about stealing you from
Maurice. I didn't know you were married.
You didn't steal me, Holling!
I came to you, cos I wanted to.
- Would you please say something?
- It's not right.
I don't know...
Why are you making such a big deal
about this? We love each other.
Wayne just showed up
cos he wants a divorce.
If he hadn't,
you never would have known about him.
I don't think it's proper for a man
to be living with another man's wife.
What are you tryin' to say, Holling?
I think maybe we should be living apart,
till your divorce comes through.
You do?
OK.
So I'll just pack a few things
and move out for a while.
No, it's your place. I'll move out.
I gotta get back to work.
Malignant melanoma is an extremely rare
form of cancer. Extremely rare.
Statistically,
I would say the odds are at least 100-1...
- You said 1,000.
- I'm sorry, you're right. 1,000-1.
- But you have seen it before?
- Yeah, once.
- And the patient is...?
- Dead.
- Yeah, but...
- Once it's in the lungs, I'm history.
True, but the odds are in your favour.
Right, well...
Well, what?
Well, it's obvious
this is much ado about nothing.
Clearly, you've blown this
out of proportion.
- Dr Fleischman says you don't have it.
- He says probably I don't have it.
He said most likely.
The odds are 1,000-1.
Why would you be the one in a thousand?
This is ridiculous. You're not that special.
When do we know for sure?
- Can I get you another one?
- Yeah. Make it a lite, I'm gettin' a gut.
- She's a pretty good waitress, I bet.
- Yes, she is.
She used to be able to line six plates up
her forearm, five cups and five saucers,
and not drop one - with one hand.
- She still do that?
- What's that?
That thing with the plates and cups?
On occasion.
She's put on a couple of pounds.
Looks good on her.
- She's pregnant.
- You the daddy?
- Uh-huh.
- I should've knocked her up myself.
Thought I did. Slapshot right
into the net. Did she tell you?
Course not. Why would she?
My wife, your baby.
Is this worid goin' to hell, or what?
Well, congratulations anyway.
I guess.
- I appreciate that.
- She ever mention me? Wayne Jones?
Never did.
Boy, when she gets mad,
she can sure hold a grudge.
- How old are you?
- 20.
That's a whole lot different than 19.
- She still into hockey?
- Ice hockey?
Yeah. I'm a hockey player.
I'd be playin' for the Flames by now
if it wasn't for her.
She took the fire outta me.
I didn't wanna fight or stick.
I didn't wanna crush nobody's skull in.
Instead of goin' high in the draft, I go
on a bender and get thrown in the can.
- That's a shame.
- Once I get this divorce thing settled,
I'm gonna start kickin'
some major-league butt.
I got a slapshot
like you wouldn't believe, mister.
She was one lousy wife, you know that?
But she's got more curves on that bod
than the Stanley Cup.
Non-specific urethritis.
It's not catchy, but you ought to
keep the falcon under wraps for a while.
- You know what I'm talkin' about?
- Yeah.
Hey! Hey! I'm crossin' here!
I'm crossin' here!
You don't talk to a learned physician
that way! Same to you, pal!
Can't wait to get that jerk in the examining
room. I got a barium enema for him.
I'll take you to Donald Trump,
a friend of mine.
- You know Donald Trump?
- I started him out in the business.
Oh, boy!
OK, thanks.
All right.
Hey, Ed.
You mean to tell me
her nipples are hard as sapphires,
she's been eating like two horses,
her breasts are growin' by leaps
and bounds, and she's not pregnant?!
- That's right.
- Joel, are you sure about this?
- Absolutely.
- How can this be?
Hysterical pregnancies
are highly unusual. Extremely unusual.
But apparently her body
has convinced itself that it's pregnant...
with all the physical manifestations
of pregnancy.
And yet, the fact is, her blood test
indicates that she is not pregnant.
And the results, I'm afraid,
are indisputable.
There is, however, no