interpersonal problems
on me, OK?
What interpersonal problems? Huh?
We didn't have any till you showed up!
...lines for the "Chris in the Morning
Show". Who's this?
- This is Jewels up on the Kayak River.
- Hey, Jewels. How you doin'?
Lousy, with a capital Z.
Yeah, it's goin' around.
What can I do for you, Jewels?
I disagree with the last caller.
Even if Dr Fleischman is incompetent,
that's no reason to ship him to Siberia.
Where is everyone?
This is such a relief. I expected
a room full of feverish freedom fighters.
Seriously, where is everyone?
What, no one called for an appointment?
- They know you can do nothing for them.
- OK, you don't have to belabour the point.
Let's get Dr Serrano on the phone.
He just called.
"Sorry, hands are tied by red tape.
Gone fishing." Is this a joke?
Marilyn, do I smell something?
You whipped up a batch of hi-yo-hi-yo,
didn't you?
Marilyn!
Did I not tell you
that we could not legally or morally
prescribe a treatment
with no known value?
You didn't prescribe it, I did.
How many people did you give it to?
Five?
Ten?
Everyone?!
All right, look. Maybe if I knew
what was in this tribal remedy of yours
I could verify its chemical content.
So just tell me what's in it.
It smells like animal by-products.
- You don't know, or you won't tell me?
- I know, but you don't wanna know.
One piping-hot chicken soup comin' up.
Oh, it doesn't look so appetising.
It's the brand they use in Holling's bar.
It's a little oily, huh?
- Maybe I'll have some later.
- OK.
Still feelin' logy, huh, babe?
It's like my Uncle Lou used to say:
If I felt a little worse, I'd be dead,
if I felt a little better, it wouldn't be me.
This has got to be the most depressing
romantic weekend on record.
The most depressing part is tomorrow I'm
supposed to be on a plane heading home.
OK. OK, that's it. Desperate times
call for desperate measures.
- Take off your nightgown.
- Oh, honey, I'm not in the mood.
Come on. I'm gonna smear some stuff
on you. Just a second.
- OK, come on.
- Ugh! It smells vile!
- That's part of its charm.
- What is it?
That's part of its charm too. Nobody
knows. It's called hi-yo something. It's a...
It's a homeopathic remedy.
One of those mystery compounds
the Indians use for all sorts of infections.
Oh, yeah. Maggie told me
all about this stuff.
Sit up. She did?
She was wondering why you haven't
used organic remedies sooner.
You know, if only to lessen the symptoms
and get some of your more wacko
patients off your back.
So now Maggie's got you questioning
my medical judgment?
Don't you see what she's doing? Don't
you see how she's trying to tear us apart?
She's like Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction -
on the surface she's charming and pretty,
but underneath
she's obsessed and demented.
Do you realise
that since I have been in Alaska
we have not had one conversation that
didn't end in an argument over Maggie?
I rest my case. See how sneaky she is?
- Sorry I brought it up.
- Me too. But I've got an idea.
In an effort to salvage what little time we
have left, let me smear this goo on you,
and then I will build us a cosy little fire
and we'll snuggle up with a blanket
and talk about New York and all
the great times we've had over the years,
and we'll try not to mention the dreaded
M word for the whole weekend, OK?
- You've changed, Joey.
- No, I haven't.
I haven't, I swear. I'm still me
and you're still you and we're still us.
The only thing different is this place.
If we were in Manhattan,
we would not be arguing over piffle,
or questioning our relationship,
or eating chicken soup
out of a can, would we?
- Probably not.
- No, definitely not.
We'd be too busy living the life that we've
both dreamt about since we were kids.
The kind of life... Hold that there for me.
The kind of life that'll be
so satisfying, so stimulating,
that Alaska will become nothing more
than a dim memory
that will never