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Северная сторона

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need a nurse starting yesterday,
bags of IV fluid,
I need vats of chicken soup
airlifted from Brooklyn,
and I need to see my fiancйe.
She's in town for a very limited
time frame, and she hasn't called, so...
Please, whatever you can do
to speed things up, hurry.
Thank you.
Marilyn, wha...
What are you doing? Wha...
What are they doing?!
What is that? Gimme this!
Gimme that. Excuse me... Ugh!
Stop this! What is this?
An ancient tribal remedy.
It smells like moose dung!
What is in there?
Hi-yo-hi-yo-ip-se-ni-yo.
- What?
- It's a tribal remedy.
Please, take your hi-yo outside
where I can't smell it!
And clean yourself up, all of you!
I'll get some towels.
Where are the towels?
- What were you thinking?
- I was just helping them.
What's the native logic? If you feel
like crap, you should smell like it too?
It works.
Marilyn, I am a medical doctor, a man
of science and reason and learning.
I can be sued for malpractice
for treating a viral infection with...
What was in that bucket anyway?
- You don't tell me, I swear...
- Flowers for Joey Fleischman.
- "Joey"?
- Just give 'em the towels.
Joey?
Elaine?
In here.
Hello, Dr Fleischman.
Hello, Ms Schulman.
How good to see you again.
I've been keeping a spot
nice and warm for you.
The very spot
I've been thinking about all day.
- Notice anything different?
- You got a tattoo?
Yeah. But I was talking
about the air conditioner.
- Who hooked that up?
- Maggie.
- She was here?
- You just missed her.
She hooked this up no problem,
no commentary?
- You're lucky to have her for a super.
- Lucky?!
If we were in New York, I'd be suing her
for harassment and non-support.
Joel!
She called me
a pathological neurotic, OK?
You know how the imprecise use
of medical terminology drives me crazy.
I know. But it seems a little superfluous
to use an air conditioner in Alaska.
- The hum helps me get to sleep.
- We have to do our part to save energy.
Discussing Maggie's conservation tips
is about the last thing I wanna do now.
What's just about the first?
I can barely remember.
Well, why don't you lie down over here
and I'll help jog your memory?
Do you realise how close you came
to subverting my romantic inclinations?
- How close?
- Very.
How close?
Joel...
- As close as close gets.
- Your Indian friend is in the doorway.
- Ed?!
- Sorry, Dr Fleischman.
Maurice has called
an emergency town meeting.
- What's that got to do with me?
- You're the featured speaker.
I don't like a sick town.
It's bad for business, it's bad for morale,
it's bad for your health.
Now we brought this man here to keep us
healthy, and here we are, all sick!
And we've got a right to know
why you've failed us so miserably!
OK, OK. Thank you
for that gracious introduction, Maurice.
Just answer the question.
OK, OK.
OK, I will. I will.
I believe the first question is how come
there is no known cure for the flu?
Now, stripping away all the jargon
and the platitudes, the real answer is...
beats the hell outta me.
So, working with that premise,
the next question becomes
isn't there something that
we in the medical community - I.e., me -
can do for you, the afflicted,
for the next 36 to 48 hours,
or until this virus realises it'd find a more
evolved immune system in the lower 48?
The answer is, not a helluva lot,
except try and answer your questions
in a calm and reasonable manner.
Just what kind of flu
have we got here, Doc?
That's an excellent question, Holling.
A flu virus is named for its point of origin.
The Shanghai flu, the Hong Kong flu,
the Russian flu, the Westchester...
- So it could be Russian flu?
- Certainly.
I never did trust Gorbachev.
We all know that glasnost's
just a big crock anyway.
Wait a second... One thing's
got nothing to do with the other.
Perestroika is a total failure too!
- The whole Commie system's bankrupt!
- It's beside the point!
It's pretty sad when the Soviets'
only hope for
Северная сторона Северная сторона

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