Your friend has never been here, so I figured he'd like to look around. There's nothing on the interstate. It's the middle of the night. I know, but he's proud of his town. That's a rare thing these days. Take care of the luggage, will you, Doobie? OK, Del. Get off of me. Stick with me. Evening, Gus. Del Griffith, how the hell are you? Still a million bucks shy of being a millionaire. Gus, meet an old friend. Neal Page, Gus Mooney. Glad to meet you, Nick. I told my friend you'd give him a room tonight. Do you have a major credit card? Do you still honor those discount credit cards? I'll have to charge you for a double, but with the discount, it'll come out even. We're a pretty good team. We were on our way to Chicago, and the storm brought us here. I know. I must have half your flight here. Well, I guess you're all fixed, so, uh, there you are. Last room in the complex. You mean sh-share? [Crash] Hey, easy on that. OK. Hell of a cab ride, wasn't it? Yeah, you don't see cabs like that too often. Want to take a shower? No! I meant, did you want to go first? You-you thought... I wouldn't... What do you think I am? Gee, that's funny. Ah. Ah. Oh, come... come on. Ah! Ouch, ouch, ouch! [Television] To wear a pompadour... Excuse me. I'd switch pillows with you, but I'm allergic to sponge. I'd be sneezing all night with that thing. That's why I carry my own pillow. It's hypoallergenic. I had no idea those beer cans would blow like that. You left them on a vibrating bed. What did you think would happen? It just didn't occur to me. It didn't occur to you, so I have to sleep in a puddle of beer. You want to switch? I just want to sleep. Me, too. I am bushed. Good night. Good night. [Television] I'll have to burn the sheets! What if the shoe was on the other foot? I'd go barefoot! [Cracking Knuckles] [Cracking Neck] [Scratching] Traffic is resuming at O'Hare field, and flights will be moving shortly. [Snorts] Sorry. [Snorts] Goddamn! What, what? That's it! Without clearing my sinuses, I'll snore all night. If your kid spills his milk, do you slap him? What-what-what is that supposed to mean? You're not a very tolerant person. You've bugged me since New York, starting with stealing my cab. God, you're a tight-ass. How would you like a mouthful of teeth? Oh, and hostile, too. Nice personality combination... hostile and intolerant. That's borderline criminal. Screw you. You spilled beer all over the bed, you mess up the bathroom... Who let you stay? I even let you pay, so you wouldn't feel like an intruder. An intruder? Right. You ruined a nice trip. Who talked my ear off on the plane? Who was that? I'm curious. Who told you to book a room? I did. You're an ungrateful jackass. Sleep in the lobby. I hope you wake up so stiff you can't even move. You got a free cab, a free room, and someone who will listen to your boring stories. Didn't you notice on the plane when you started talking, I started reading the vomit bag? Didn't that give you some clue that this guy's not enjoying it? Everything's not an anecdote. You have to discriminate. You choose things that are funny or mildly amusing or interesting. You're a miracle. Your stories have none of that. They're not even amusing accidentally. Honey, meet Del Griffith. He's got some amusing anecdotes. Here's a gun so you can blow your brains out. You'll thank me for it. I could tolerate any insurance seminar. For days, I could listen to them go on and on. They'd say, "How can you stand it?" And I'd say, "'Cause I've been with Del Griffith. I can take anything." You know what they'd say? "I know what you mean. The shower curtain ring guy." It's like going on a date with a Chatty Cathy doll. There should be a string on your chest that I pull ------------------------------ Читайте также: - текст Небо зовёт на английском - текст Чайковский на английском - текст Республика ШКИД на английском - текст Кавказский пленник на английском - текст Каникулы в Простоквашино на английском |