's an internal something or other.
Pardon me.
Mr. Vanderhof, we've written many letters
about this, but we've received no reply.
That's what those letters were.
Did you hear that, Penny?
-This is the party that's been writing to me.
-It's not me, Mr. Vanderhof.
You see, the Internal Revenue Office--
-That must be him now.
-Doorbell's ringing again.
-I heard the doorbell.
-I'm on it.
Want me to go?
Pipe, pipe.
How do you do, Mr. Kirby? Come right in.
-Thank you.
-We've been expecting you.
-You are Mr. Kirby, aren't you?
-Oh, yes.
Thank heavens. Here he is.
This is really Mr. Kirby.
This is Alice's father, and her grandfather,
and her sister Essie, and Essie's husband.
-Won't you sit down, Mr. Kirby?
-Yes.
-Mother, is that Mr. Kirby?
-Yes, dear. He's lovely.
I'll be right down.
-She'll be right down.
-Thank you very much.
-Do y'all play football?
-A little, yeah.
You are awful young to be a vice president.
You know what that means, vice president.
An office with my name on the door.
Is that all?
I have a secretary.
A very lovely secretary, too.
Isn't that sweet, Ed?
How about salary?
Don't you get any salary?
A little. More than I'm worth, I'm afraid.
I beg your pardon.
I suppose you're ready
to settle down and get married now?
Come now, Penny. I'm sure Mr. Kirby
knows his own mind.
You mustn't rush him, Mother.
All I meant was, he's bound to get married,
and suppose the wrong girl gets him.
Mr. Vanderhof, I've got to be going.
Oh, too bad.
I'm sorry you can't stay to dinner.
Drop in again.
If you don't mind,
I'd like to settle my business before I go.
He's selling something for the government.
What can I do for you?
Mr. Vanderhof, our records show...
...that you have never paid any income tax.
That's right.
-Why not?
-I don't believe in it.
You don't believe in it?
Mr. Sycamore, I can't get these things
to go off. Look.
-Not now, Mr. DePinna.
-No. Not now. Grandpa's busy.
-Mr. Kirby. Mr. DePinna.
-How do you do?
Of course, didn't I read something
about your father?
He was indicted or something, wasn't he?
No, he just testified
before the Securities Commission.
-I thought the cops had got him.
-No.
-Come along, Mr. DePinna. Come on.
-See here, Mr. Vanderhof.
Whether you believe it or not, you owe
the government 22 years back income taxes.
Wait a minute. That's too far back.
That's outlawed, ain't it?
-What's your name?
-What's the difference?
-Did you ever file an income tax return?
-No, sir.
-What was your income last year?
-I don't know, about $85, wasn't it?
I don't know.
Now, Mr. Vanderhof, that's a serious thing,
not filing an income tax return.
Now, just suppose I do pay you this money.
Mind you, I don't say that I'm going to,
but just for the sake of argument...
...what's the government
going to do with it?
-What do you mean?
-What do I get for my money?
For instance, if I go into a department store
and buy something...
...there it is. I can see it.
But what are they going to give me?
The government gives you everything.
It protects you.
From what?
Invasion. How do you think the government
will keep up the Army and Navy...
-...with all those battleships?
-Battleships?
Last time we used battleships
was in the Spanish-American War...
...and what did we get out of that?
Cuba. And we gave that back.
Why, I wouldn't mind paying
for something sensible.
Something sensible! What about Congress
and the Supreme Court and the President?
-We've got to pay them, don't we?
-Not with my money, no, sir.
Now, wait a minute.
I didn't come here to argue with you.
Hello, everybody.
-Hello, Tony.
-Hello, Alice.
-Is everybody acquainted with everybody?
-Yes, indeed.
We've had a most delightful talk
about love and marriage.
I'm sorry. I tried to hurry.
Look, Mr. Vanderhof.
You haven't paid any income tax,
and you've got to pay it.
-What was that?
-I said you've got to pay it.
Well, you've got to show me.
We