be spared...
to find this brave man
and bring him home.
We`vejust received
this photograph of Schumann...
held by a dissident group
of Albanian terrorists.
I don`t know how many of you
know Morse code...
but could you
bring the camera closer?
You`ll see his sweater is worn.
It has been unraveled in places.
Those places
form dashes and dots...
and those dots spell out
a message in Morse code.
That message is,
``Courage, Mom.``
He got the message through.
Not bad for government work.
Having a good time?
Haven`t had this much fun
since Iive TV.
To the men and women
of Unit 303...
to my fellow citizens,
I say, ``Courage, Mom.``
I have informed Albania
that we will not rest...
until the safe return
of Sergeant Schumann.
I`m told his unit mates gave him
the nickname ``Old Shoe.``
Wasn`t there a foIk song
caIIed ``OId Shoe?``
Do you remember that?
Something Iike...
I don`t know.
I can vagueIy remember it.
Do you know
what I`m taIking about?
Thank you,
ladies and gentlemen.
Good night and God bless.
Trump that, Senator NeaI,
you Howdy-Doody-Iooking vontz.
As we reported earlier, U.S.
Serviceman Willie Schumann...
remains missing behind
enemy lines...
It`s aII thinking ahead.
That`s what producing is.
It`s Iike being a pIumber.
Do your job right,
nobody shouId notice.
When you fuck up,
everything gets fuII of shit.
...symbol of
the military team...
Sergeant William Schumann,
the ``Old Shoe.``
Let`s Iine up the president
for the Peace Prize.
Our job ends on eIection day.
Come on.
Just for the symmetry
of the thing?
That`s right.
If Kissinger can win
the Peace Prize...
I wouIdn`t be surprised
if I`d won the Preakness.
But our guy did bring peace.
But there wasn`t a war.
AII the greater accompIishment.
Where`s the money--
where`s the tie-in
with throwing away shoes?
Who pays you for that?
You throw away shoes.
What are you gonna do?
Buy new ones.
We have some powerfuI
new friends...
at the InternationaI Association
of Shoe Manufacturers.
You guys sure get around.
Fad King is my hero.
Want to go first?
Sure.
Attaboy.
History, Connie.
Those are ratty shoes.
That`s why
we`re fIinging them away.
You want to try some?
Go ahead.
Attaboy.
Do it again.
Go ahead. Have a baII.
Watch this.
Go on, teII your friends.
This is interesting.
I havejust been handed this.
Something just discovered.
A 1930s recording, part of
the folk song collection...
Of the Library of Congress...
and a fitting song,
if I may say so, about Shoe.
Schumann
is the military soldier...
who`s been left behind
enemy lines...
Jim, can I get a word with you?
Would you like to comment
on Albania?
There is one thing
I`d like to say.
This is to the Albanians
that have this man.
I mean this from the bottom
of my heart as one of your race.
I didn`t know Jim BeIushi
was AIbanian.
The search for
Willie Schumann continues...
As soon as we Iand,
I want a refIexoIogist.
MaIe or femaIe?
The White House
wants to know about...
the CongressionaI MedaI
of Honor.
-What about it?
-For Schumann.
Wait a minute.
We got 86% in favor.
We bring him back tomorrow,
charts don`t go down.
I don`t want to teII them
how to do their business...
but why don`t they do it
after the eIection?
Makes more sense,
and it`II heIp them more.
When are you bringing him back?
King, show him the thing.
-It`s not done yet.
-Show it to him.
TaIk about enIarging the market.
TeII him.
Here it is. Artist`s rendering
of the memoriaI.
The memoriaI?
That`s the memoriaI
of the faIIen.
Of the AIbanian campaign.
-LoveIy.
-It`s better than IoveIy.
This guy made a deaI
with Governor Kneehigh--
Senator Leahy.
You shouId see the granite
you have to put in this thing.
Got a site picked out
and everything.
The beauty part is...
guess who retains
the merchandising rights.
Show him the cIock?
Got it as a cIock.
LoveIy.
-Let`s go.
-When`s Schumann coming back?
Getting