spared...
...to find this brave
man and bring him home.
We've just received this photograph
of Schumann in captivity...
...held by a dissident group
of Albanian terrorists.
Now, I don't know how many of you
are familiar with Morse code...
...but could you bring the
camera closer and here, please?
You'll see his sweater is worn.
It has been unraveled in places.
And those places form dashes and dots...
...and those dots spell out
a message in Morse code.
That message is, "Courage, Mom."
"Courage, Mom."
He got the message
through. "Courage, Mom."
Not bad for government work.
Having a good time?
Haven't had this much fun since live TV.
To the men and women of Unit 303...
...to my fellow citizens,
I say, "Courage, Mom."
I have informed the Albanian
government that we will not rest...
...until the safe return
of Sergeant Schumann.
I'm told his unit mates gave
him the nickname "Old Shoe."
Wasn't there a folk
song called "Old Shoe?"
Do you remember that? Something like...
I don't know. I can vaguely remember it.
Do you know what I'm talking about?
"Old Shoe."
Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.
Good night and God bless.
Trump that, Senator Neal, you
Howdy-Doody-looking vontz.
As we reported earlier, U.S.
Serviceman Willie Schumann...
...remains missing behind enemy lines...
It's all thinking ahead.
That's what producing is.
- It's like being a plumber.
- Yes. It's like being a plumber.
Do your job right, nobody should notice.
When you fuck up, everything
gets full of shit.
...symbol of the military team...
...Sergeant William
Schumann, the "Old Shoe."
What do you say, we line up the
president for the Peace Prize?
Our job ends on election day.
Yes. But, come on.
Just for the symmetry of the thing?
That's right.
If Kissinger can win the Peace Prize...
...I wouldn't be surprised to wake up
and find out I'd won the Preakness.
Well, yes, but our guy did bring peace.
Yeah, but there wasn't a war.
All the greater accomplishment.
Where's the money...
Where's the tie-in with
throwing away the old shoes?
Who steps up and pays you for that?
You throw away the shoes.
What are you gonna do?
Buy new ones.
We have some powerful new friends...
...at the International
Association of Shoe Manufacturers.
See. You guys sure get around.
Fad King is my hero. Want to go first?
Sure.
History, Connie.
Those are ratty shoes.
Yeah, that's why we're
flinging them away.
You want to try some? Go ahead.
Here. Do it again.
Go ahead. Have a ball.
Ok. Watch this.
Go on, tell your friends.
Well. This is interesting.
I have just been handed this.
Something just discovered.
A 1930s recording, part of
the folk song collection...
...of the Library of Congress...
...and a fitting song, if
I may say so, about Shoe.
You know Schumann is
the military soldier...
...who's been left behind enemy lines...
Jim, can I get a word with you, please?
Would you like to comment
the situation on Albania?
Yes, there is one thing I'd like to say.
This is to the Albanians that
have this man in custody.
I mean this from the bottom of
my heart as one of your race.
I didn't know Jim Belushi was Albanian.
The search for Willie
Schumann continues...
Tell Grace, as soon as we
land, I want a reflexologist.
Male or female?
- The Polish...
- The White House wants to know about...
...the Congressional Medal of Honor.
- What about it?
- For Schumann.
Wait a minute, wait.
We got 86% in favor.
We bring him back tomorrow,
charts go up, they don't go down.
I don't want to tell them
how to do their business...
...but why don't they do
it after the election?
Makes more sense, and
it'll help them more.
When are you bringing
him back? Schumann?
King, show him the thing.
- It's not done yet. I don't wanna show him.
- Show it to him.
Talk about enlarging the
market. Tell him, Faye.
Here it is. Artist's
rendering of the memorial.
The memorial?
That's the memorial of the fallen.
Of