bad flan...
...and there is no war.
Guess who I am.
I would like to point out that
I am under medical care...
...and taking medication, side
effects of which have a little bit...
Quite touching.
I also take this opportunity...
...to suggest that, equally,
I admit to nothing...
...and I would like my lawyer present.
We show, and NSA confirms...
...there are no nuclear
devices on the Canadian border.
There are no nuclear devices in Albania.
Albania has no nuclear capacity.
Our spy satellites show no secret
terrorist training camps...
...in the Albanian hinterland.
The border patrol, the
FBI, the RCMP report...
...no... repeat... no
untoward activity...
...along our picturesque
Canadian border.
The Albanian government
is screaming its defense.
The world is listening.
There is no war.
Of course, there's a war. I'm
watching it on television.
Who might you be? What
you all said and done?
- My name is Conrad Brean.
- Who do you work for?
Nobody whose name you want me to
say, Mr. Young. I promise you.
So well and good, but when
the fit hits the shan...
...somebody has to stay after school.
Who do you suppose that might be?
I don't know what you're talking about.
The spy satellites show it, Mr. Brean.
They show no war.
Then what good are they
if they show no war?
I mean, why we spend a quarter trillion
dollars a year on defense department?
What good are they if they show nothing?
Are they useless or
just broken? Or what?
I would like to point out further...
...that these medications
taken in conjunction...
If there's no threat,
then where are you?
Let me go one more. If there's
no threat, what good are you?
Mr. Brean, you are the threat.
I'm the threat? I am the threat?
What have I been doing
the last 30 years...
...that you haven't been doing.
You wanna me fool in on that?
The last 30 years, Mr. Brean...
...I have been working to ensure
the security of my country.
I'm sure that speaks well
of you and your parents...
...but if forced to choose between
the security of your country...
...and the security of your
job, which would you pick?
While you hesitate,
permit me to suggest...
...that they are one in the
same. Your country and your job.
I'm doing my job, Mr. Brean.
That's what you see me doing.
I'm doing my job, too.
Let me ask you something. Let
me ask you a simple question.
Why do people go to war?
Why they go to war?
- I'll play your silly game.
- OK. Why they go to war?
To ensure their way of life.
- Would you fight to do that?
- I have.
If you went to war again,
who would it be against?
Your ability to fight a
two-ocean war against who?
Sweden and Togo?
That time has passed. It's over.
The war of the future
is nuclear terrorism.
It'll be against a small
group of dissidents...
...who, unbeknownst perhaps to
their own governments, have...
To go to that war, you
have to be prepared.
You gotta be alert. The
public has gotta be alert...
...because that is the
war of the future...
...and if you're not gearing
up to fight that war...
...then eventually the ax will
fall. You'll be out in the street.
You can call this a drill,
call this job security...
...call it anything you
like, but I got one for you.
You go to war to preserve
your way of life.
Chuck, this is your way of life.
And if your spy satellites
don't see nothing...
...if there ain't no war...
...then you can go home and
take up golf my friend...
...'cause there ain't no war but ours.
Thank you.
- Drive carefully.
- Bye bye.
Nice enough people.
They just hadn't thought it through.
You talked us out of there.
No, no. We just got delayed.
We're going to Nashville.
What?
I said you could talk
a dog off a meat truck.
Thank you.
No, no, no. We just got stuck. It's ok.
All systems five-by-five.
See you in Nashville.
You saved our bacon.
It was just a phenomenal performance.
You turned them around. You
turned them around like a...
They just