Our
neighbor to the north...
...all of a sudden transformed
into that place from whence...
...like the north wind, terror comes.
I like that. Keep
talking. That's what...
What guards us against Canada?
I guard the Canadian border.
Mounties guard the border. Mountie hats.
Stupid fucking hats.
What? Davy Crockett had a
hat. We may have a fortune.
You could crush them and
put them in your pocket.
You can't put a mountie hat in your pocket.
You need a pocket the size of fucking Detroit.
You see this? This is what producing is.
You put me in a room
with talent...electric.
You know what I'm thinking? I'm thinking
armbands. That's what I'm thinking.
- Armbands is good.
- I'm thinking... I'm thinking green. OK? Not like Kelly green.
Last year, the number one selling
color in new cars in America was green.
- People like green.
- Hunter.
Hunter green. Strong, pride, dignity.
But not Kelly green.
You know what I mean?
I like it with a hat.
What if we had a hat...
- Maybe. That could be.
- You see that?
Sit on my lap if you love me...
...but don't put your hand down there.
I didn't mean...
We'll take a short nap.
See, I just thought you should see it.
I don't think it should be a song.
- I'm glad that your mama's not here.
- He misunderstood.
No, no, no. I mean if
you do a song about it.
I just thought it was funny.
Sit on my lap...
I don't think it's appropriate
for what we're doing.
I just meant for you to see it.
I guard the Canadian border.
The president spent the
weekend pressing the flesh.
He wasn't campaigning.
He was dating, actually.
Connie, change this. Thank you.
Behind the mention of Albania,
of his stomach flu...
...taking refuge these scant
days away from the election.
Young girl in rubble.
She was driven from her home
by Albanian terrorists. Ok?
- It is her we are mobilizing to defend.
- Yes.
- Or is it she?
- It is her we are mobilizing.
- Can we get her a kitten?
- Yeah.
Young girl in rubble with a kitten.
Good. That's good.
OK. See. This is too static.
Young girl running from the village.
More energy.
Time to face these terrible charges...
...to answer all of these questions.
- What's this, Stanley?
- It's head shots.
Girls to you know, play the victim
you know, in our news footage.
OK. Write this down.
Young girl running from
village towards camera.
Grainy, hand-held, you
know, news footage.
Send it to everyone.
What do you think of these
people? I like the sorrowful one.
What the hell is this again?
Young Albanian girl
running from her home.
I like this broad right here.
Where? No. Yours is too Texan.
We're locked into Albania. Why?
Albania's hard to rhyme.
What are you looking at me for?
It's the name of the country.
Albanian. Albanian.
That rhymes.
- John Belushi?
- Jim.
Jim Belushi.
- Jim Belushi what?
- Albanian.
Jim Belushi's Albanian?
Sure, it's thing you
know. Are you kidding?
Anybody know who's ever eaten
in an Albanian restaurant?
- Is there such a thing an Albanian restaurant?
- Has to be. They have to eat.
- Is there a national dish?
- No. Nobody would know. We can make it up.
Jim Belushi is Albanian.
What time is it?
3:03.
Great idea.
To the men and women of the
303 detachment with their...
Leopard skin.
With their berets.
How about all black?
That's good.
Half black, half leopard...
...wear it on your head.
Half black, half leopard...
...wear it to your head.
I guard the American dream.
I guard the American dream.
Everybody's always in
a hurry these days.
If they're not rushing somewhere...
...there'll be changing something
that doesn't need changing.
That's why I'm glad we're
standing behind the president.
Sure we are. It just makes good sense.
You don't want to change
horses in midstream.
Why are they sticking with
this age-old horseshit?
Why are they sticking with
the same old garbage?
- Who hires these people?
- I feel insulted just having seen it. You know