toJohn?
We're dead.
No. Just me.
What do you mean?
Get back to the library.
Keep your unit out of it.
# I wanna be
an airborne ranger #
#I wanna be
an airborne ranger #
- That son of a bitch.
- # Before the day I die #
#There's five things
I want to ride #
# Bicycle, tricycle
automobile #
# Virgin's mother
and a Ferris wheel #
# I wanna be
an airborne ranger #
Three...
two, one.!
Bender! Bender!
What is this?
What are you doing
here? What is this? Hi.
Out. That's it, Bender.
Out. It's over.
Don't you want to hear my excuse? Out.
I'm thinking of
trying out for a scholarship.
Give me the ball, Bender.
Give me that ball.
Get your stuff.
Let's go.
Mr. Wise Guy here's taken upon
himself to go to the gymnasium.
I'm sorry to inform you, You're going to
be without his services the rest of the day.
B- O-O H-O-O.
Everything's a big joke, huh, Bender?
The false alarm you pulled Friday...
False alarms are really funny,
aren't they?
What if your home...
What if your family...
What if your dope was on fire?
Impossible, sir.
It's in Johnson's underwear.
You think he's funny?
You think this is cute?
You think he's bitchin'? Is that it?
Let me tell you something.
Look at him.
He's a bum.
You want to see something funny?
You go visitJohn Bender in five years.
You'll see how
goddamn funny he is.
What's the matter, John?
You going to cry?
Let's go. Keep your
fuckin' hands off me!
I expect better
manners from you, Dick.
For better hallway vision.
That's the last time, Bender.
That's the last time you ever make me look
bad in front of those kids. You hear me?
I make $31,000 a year,
and I've got a home.
And I'm not about to throw
it away on some punk like you.
But someday, man, someday...
when you're outta here and you've
forgotten all about this place...
and they've forgotten about you, and you're
wrapped up in your own pathetic life...
I'm gonna be there.
That's right. And I'm gonna kick
the livin' shit out of you.
I'm gonna knock
Your dick in the dirt.
- You threatening me?
- What are you going to do about it?
You think anybody's
gonna believe you?
You think anybody is gonna
take your word over mine?
I'm a man of respect around here.
They love me around here.
I'm a swell guy. You're a lying
sack of shit, and everybody knows it.
You're a real tough guy.
Hey, hey. Come on.
Get on your feet, pal!
Let's find out how tough you are.
I wanna know, right now,
how tough you are. Come on.
I'll give you the first punch.
Let's go. Come on. Right here.
Just take the first shot. Please. I'm
begging you. Take a shot. Right here.
Just take one shot.
That's all I need.
Just one swing.
That's what I thought.
You're a gutless turd.
A naked blond
walks into a bar...
with a poodle
under one arm...
and a two-foot salami
under the other.
She lays the poodle
on the table.
Bartender says, "I suppose
You won't be needing a drink. "
Naked lady says...
Oh, shit!
Jesus Christ Almighty.!
Forgot my pencil.
Goddamn it.!
What in God's name
is going on in here?
- What was that ruckus?
- What ruckus?
I was in my office,
and I heard a ruckus.
Could you describe
the ruckus, sir.
- Watch your tongue, young man.
Watch it.
What is this?
- What is that? What-What...
What is that noise? - What noise?
Really sir, there wasn't
any noise.
Ow!
That noise? Was that the
noise You were talking about?
No, it wasn't. That was not
the noise I was talking about.
Now, I may not have caught you in the
act this time, but you can bet I will.
You make book
on that, missy.
And you!
I will not be made a fool of.
It was an accident.
You're an asshole.
Sue me.
So, Ahab, can I have
all my doobage?
Yo, wastoid. You're not gonna
blaze up in here.
Shit!
Chicks cannot hold their
smoke. That's what it is.
Do you know
how popular I am?
I am so popular. Everybody
loves me so much at this school.
Poor baby.