idea
that that would... .
What the hell was that?
Just wanted to see
what all the fuss was about.
- And?
- I've had better.
I found one that fits.
Well, you know what they say?
23rd time's a charm.
Look at you, all handsome.
- Whose is it?
- Does it matter?
All that matters
is that you look so handsome.
- Whose is it?
- I don't want to say.
Come on, I don't care. Whose is it?
Diane Keaton.Do you realize we're
getting married in four weeks?
Four weeks, baby. Four weeks!
You realize you get louder each week?
There's still so much to do!
Have you written your vows?
I figured I'd just buy those.
"Pat, I'd like to buy a vow. "
You know I've no sense of humor
when it comes to this.
- Right. Have you written yours yet?
- No, but I know what I'm gonna say.
Do you happen to know
what I'm gonna say?
Let's do it now. It won't be hard.
Say what's in your heart.
Look at her go. She must
love me more than I love her! 
What's wrong with me? 
Oh, don 't open that door. 
The One with the Vows
English Subtitles by
SDI Media Group
"Monica, there are no words..."
There are no words!
This shouldn't be this hard!
You've done this before.
What did you say in your vows?
With Carol I promised never
to love another woman until I die.
She made no such promise.
I'm pathetic. Monica knows what
to say, you should have seen her.
What's the emergency?
You have to help me write my vows.
All I have is this.
I like the pretty drawing
of you in the wedding dress.
- Thank you.
- Except your breasts look small.
Those are my eyes!
- Those are my breasts.
- Oh, yeah.
Why don't you start
with something simple?
"Monica, from the moment I met you
I knew I loved you. "
I can't do that.
Everyone, this is Chandler.
Hi, I'm Ross' little sister.
Okay.
Okay, okay.
Maybe you could start with:
"Chandler, even though
we were friends...
...there was a part of me
that knew I wanted more. "
All right, there's a nuclear
holocaust. I'm the last man on Earth.
Would you go out with me?
Are we allowed to lie in the vows?
Okay, don't talk about those feelings.
Just say something about...
...all the things
he's taught you, like...
Or all the things you taught him.
Everybody knows the erogenous zones.
One, two, three...
...four, five, six and seven.
There are seven?
- That's one?
- Kind of an important one.
I was looking at it upside down.
You know, sometimes that helps.
Okay, start out with a little one...
...a two, a one-two-three...
...a three, a five...
...a four, a three-two...
...two, a two-four-six.
Two-four-six, four, two...
...two, four-seven...
...five-seven, six-seven...
...seven, seven...
...seven, seven, seven...
...seven!
How about something like:
"Monica, when I look back
over our time together... . "
- Yeah?
- I can't do all of it.
Look back over your time together.
Oh, look, twins!
No fair! I don't even have one,
how come they get two?
- You'll get one.
- Yeah, when?
When we're 40,
if neither of us are married...
...what do you say we have one?
- Why wouldn't I be married?
I just meant hypothetically.
Hypothetically,
why won't I be married?
No, no.
What is it? Is there
something unmarriable about me?
Well?
Dear God, this parachute
is a knapsack!
I'm getting married today!
Think he knew I was here?
Nice try.
Wait, wait, wait.
Look, Monica...
- This is not gonna work.
- I bet this'll work.
You are so great! I love you.
What?
I said you're so great,
and then I stopped talking.
- You said you love me!
- No, I didn't.
- Yes, you did.
- No, I didn't!
- You love me!
- No, I don't!
Stop it! Stop it!
You know, I was thinking,
what if I unpack here?
Then all your stuff would be here.
Well... .
What if it was here?
Then you'd be going back
and forth all the time.
Doesn't make any sense.
Okay.
What if we live together,
and you understand what I'm saying?
We wanted to surprise you.
Oh, my God!