Can I come?
I won't talk.
You'll just hear my video camera.
- What? What's going on?
- Can I tell her?
Do you want what happened,
or Joey's lewd version?
Joey's.
I had this college friend...
...and I made the mistake
of telling Joey that one time...
...she and l, you know,
kissed a little bit.
Yeah, I'm sure that happened.
- It did.
- Sure.
Hey. It happened.
It was senior year.
It was after the Sigma Chi luau...
...and Melissa and I got very drunk.
And we ended up kissing.
For several minutes.
Which means she had a couple spritzers
and a peck on the cheek.
Why are you taking this away from me?
Why is it so hard for you to believe?
Okay. I just didn't know
that you were a lesbian.
I'm not saying that I'm a lesbian.
I'm just saying that this happened.
It just seems pretty wild.
And you're so...
...vanilla.
Vanilla? I'm not vanilla.
I do lots of crazy things.
I mean, I got drunk
and married in Vegas.
To Ross.
If you don't believe me...
...just come with me to dinner tonight
and she'll tell you.
Okay. Because I can't picture it.
You should get inside my head.
Guess what I got for your wedding?
A freakishly thin date
with a hanger for a head?
Rachel hooked me up with a tux.
But not just any tux.
Batman's tux!
- What?
- That's right.
Made expressly for Val Kilmer,
and worn by him in the hit film...
...that Batman film he was in.
You can't wear that.
I'm wearing the famous tux.
If you wear that,
it'll make mine less special.
You need something to
to make it special?
You have
the most special thing of all.
You are marrying the woman you love.
Don't take away my cool thing.
Pretty please?
"Pretty please?" Not very 007.
If you were getting married,
I'd never do anything to upset you.
- You slept with my sister.
- That was pretty 007.
All right, I figured it out.
I'm gonna take 2 tables of 8,
add your parents...
...and make them into 3 tables of 6.
And I called the caterer.
We are good to go!
Yeah. They're not coming.
What?
They think that you only
invited them because of me.
They feel unwanted.
That's too bad.
It's true. But too bad.
If you could just call my mom.
Just let her know
you want them there.
This is a woman
who has sent you many lasagnas.
No, she hasn't.
Is it her fault
if some didn't make it to you?
What am I gonna say?
Tell them you mixed up invitations.
No, blame it on the post office.
They hate the post office.
And the Irish.
But I don't think
you could blame it on them.
Hello? Yeah, hi. Mrs. Tribbianni?
This is Monica Geller.
I'm just calling to say that I really
hope you can make the wedding.
Apparently some of our invitations
weren't delivered.
I guess there was some screw-up
at the damn post office.
Tell me about it!
Yeah, the U.S. Post Office?
No. More like U.S. Lost Office.
What are they, Irish?
Anyway, his name's Allen. And we've
been going out for three years.
He was my first client
when I became a party planner.
He was actually planning a party
for his girlfriend at the time.
Oh, well.
- He was Theta Beta Pi at Syracuse.
- That's great.
- Were you ever in a sorority?
- Of course.
Yes. I was a Thigh Mega Tampon.
What one?
We were huge too.
But they had to shut us down...
...when Regina Phalangie
died of alcohol poisoning.
Isn't it a shame when one girl
ruins it for the whole bunch?
Anyway... .
Speaking of drinking too much,
I told Phoebe...
...about that crazy night after the
Sigma Chi luau where we made out.
What?
Remember we... Come on, we had sarongs
on and the coconut bikini tops.
We went back to the house
and got really silly...
...and we made out.
Wow, Ray-Ray, I have no idea
what you're talking about.
Really?
Ross is Batman.
Well, he did manage to keep
his identity secret for a long time.
Rachel got Ross the tuxedo
that Val Kilmer wore in Batman.
Batman is so much cooler
than James Bond.
- What? 007 has all those gadgets.
- Batman has a utility belt.
-