their face.
Can I do it to you?
I'm funny, Ben, but I'm not stupid.
So did you find anyone
to marry you yet?
No, but "Horny for Monica" minister
called...
...wondering if we're still together.
- We'll never find anybody.
- Then let me do it.
- Joey...
- I've been thinking.
I'm an actor, so I won't
get nervous in front of people.
I won't spit and I won't stare
at Monica's breasts.
Everyone knows I'm an ass man.
- That's true.
- The most important thing...
...is, it won't be some stranger
who barely knows you.
It'll be me. And I swear,
I'll do a really good job.
Plus, I love you guys and it
would really mean a lot to me.
Might be kind of cool.
- So I can do it?
- Yeah, you can do it.
All right! Okay!
Okay, I gotta get started
on my speech.
Wait a minute.
Internet ministers
can have sex, right?
Coming.
I have a bone to pick with you.
- Uh-oh.
- Yes.
Ben learned a little trick.
- Oh, did he pull the old...?
- That's right, that's right.
Saran wrap on the toilet seat...
...so the pee goes everywhere.
- Oh, that.
- Yeah, that.
You know I hate practical jokes.
They're mean, they're stupid and
I don't want my son learning them.
Saran wrap on the toilet seat?
Isn't that just a little funny?
- I was barefoot.
- Oh.
Tell me, the toilet thing is the
only thing you taught him, right?
Yes.
- Hey.
- Say hello to Reverend Joey Tribbiani.
- You got ordained?
- Yeah.
Just got off the Internet.
Man, there's a lot of porn out there.
Our minister.
I started on what I'm gonna say
for the ceremony. Want to hear it?
Listen, this is just
the first draft, so... .
"We are gathered here today
on this joyous occasion...
...to celebrate the special love
that Monica and Chandler share.
It is a love based on
giving and receiving...
...as well as having and sharing.
And the love that they give
and have is shared and received.
And through this having and giving...
...and sharing and receiving...
...we too can share and love
and have...
...and receive. "
Should we call the spitter?
- Hey, Rachel.
- Hi.
What a surprise.
What are you doing here?
I was just in the neighborhood...
...and I passed by your building and
thought, "What's up with Carol...
...and sweet little Ben?"
- That's nice. Well, come on in.
- Okay.
I'll make some coffee
and we can chat.
I'd love that.
I would love that.
So where is sweet little Ben?
I would love to have a little...
I found him!
Very funny. Come here.
That is exactly why I've
come here to talk to you, okay?
- Rachel, you want sugar?
- Yes, but...
Do I want sugar in my coffee?
No, just some milk would
be good, Carol. Thanks.
Remember all that stuff
I taught you yesterday?
"Remember all that stuff
I taught you yesterday?"
- Don't do that.
- "Don't do that. "
- Your dad doesn't like pranks.
- "Your dad doesn't like pranks. "
- Oh, damn it.
- "Oh, damn it! "
No! Don't say that.
- Damn it!
- Go back to repeating.
- Damn it!
- Oh, crap.
"Oh, crap! "
Okay, I got some more written, ready?
Yeah, okay.
"When I think of the love that these
two givers and receivers share...
...I can't help but envy the lifetime
ahead of having and loving...
...and giving..." And then I can't
think of a good word for right here.
- How about "receiving"?
- Yes!
See, Joe, not that that's not great...
...but one cool thing about having
a friend perform the ceremony...
...is that it can be about us.
It can be more personal.
You can tell stories about us.
Okay! Maybe I'll talk about London,
when you hooked up.
Only I won't say "hooked up"...
...I'll say, "began their
beautiful journey...
- There you go.
...by doing it. "
- Joe.
- Okay, all right.
So how did it happen?
Did your eyes meet across the room...
...then you're in the bathtub
and she's feeding you strawberries?
- Isn't that what happened to you?
- Yeah!
I call that "London style. "
That didn't happen with us.
Maybe you should say it is,
because "London