named Hilda,
and tell her to go home.
- Hey.
- Hey, good you're home.
Always nicer to hear than,
"Oh, crap, you again. "
Hey, sweetie, I made you a surprise.
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah, tacos.
Ever since that story,
I've had such a craving.
Did you not understand the story?
- Hey.
- Hey, what's up?
Nothing. Just figuring out
what to do for dinner.
Hey, what's that? Dinner stuff?
You making dinner?
No.
What's over there? Tacos?
No. No.
They're just ground beef smileys.
Those are tacos.
Excuse me, Mr. Mexico.
Either way, I'll pass.
Still can't eat those.
What's so funny?
I'm not laughing.
You told her!
Nancy Thompson's getting fired.
Okay, okay. I had food poisoning.
It's not like I chose to do it!
It's not like I said,
"What would make this ride more fun?"
Right. You're right, I'm sorry.
I shouldn't be laughing.
I should be
laying down papers for you.
- How could you?
- I had to. We're getting married.
Married couples can't keep secrets.
I guess Monica should know
about Atlantic City.
Dude!
- What happened?
- Chandler and I are in a bar...
Did you not hear me say, "Dude"?
...and this girl
is making eyes at Chandler.
So he goes over to her and, after
a minute or two, I see them kissing.
You're thinking he's not the type
to go to bars and make out with girls.
And you're right.
He's not the type...
...to go to bars
and make out with girls.
You kissed a guy?
Oh, my God!
In my defense, it was dark
and he was a very pretty guy.
Oh, Mon, I laughed so hard...
So hard we had to throw out
your underwear again?
Whatever, dude. You kissed a guy.
- Hi.
- Hey.
How's Hilda working out?
Oh, my new assistant
is working out. Yes.
She happy she got the job?
My new assistant is very happy
that I hired my new assistant.
Hello.
Oh, hey! Can you hang on a second?
It's the producers at Mac and Cheese, 
if you'll excuse me for a minute.
Hey, funny you should call. I was
just looking over next week's script.
Canceled!
Like, they're taking it off the air?
All right, I'll see you Monday.
We're not even shooting them anymore?
All right. Bye.
They canceled Mac and Cheese!
- Sorry.
- Sorry, Joey.
Why would they do that?
It was a good show, right?
You want to tell secrets?
Okay, in college...
...Ross used to wear leg warmers.
All right, Chandler entered a Vanilla
Ice look-alike contest and won.
Ross came in fourth and cried!
Oh, is that funny?
You find that funny?
Maybe Chandler should know
your secrets too.
I already told him everything.
You shush!
Once, she was sent to bed
without dinner...
...so she ate the macaroni off
a jewelry box she'd made.
Ross stayed home every Saturday night
to watch Golden Girls. 
Monica couldn't tell time
until she was 13.
It's hard for some people!
Of course it is.
Wow. 
- Chandler wore my underwear to work!
- Hey!
I'm sorry, I couldn't think
of any more for Ross.
In college, Chandler got drunk...
...and slept with the lady
who cleaned our dorm.
That was you.
Whatever, dude. You kissed a guy.
How could this happen to me?
Yesterday, I had two TV shows.
Today, I got nothing.
Wait a minute,
what happened to Days of our Lives?
Well, they might be a little mad
at me over there.
What happened?
Well, maybe I got a little upset, and
maybe I told them where they could go.
Joey, why would you do that?
Because! They wanted me to audition.
You, an actor? That's madness!
Rachel Green's office.
Tag.
Hi, who was that?
Nobody. I was just practicing.
Really?
- Hi.
- Hi, Rachel Green's office.
You must be Hilda.
He's Tag. This is Phoebe.
Phoebe, can I see you for a sec?
Phoebe.
- Great name.
- You like that?
- You should hear my phone number.
- Okay.
So you hired yourself
a little treat, did you?
I know how it looks,
but I am telling you...
You can't get involved
with your assistant.
I know that, and I know hiring him was
not the smartest thing I've ever done.
But,