liquor so good
they named a color after it.
Who's down for dos Chartreuse?
Not me.
I'm going out for a smoke.
Okay, but careful where you keep
that hot flame, all right?
You 'll blow up the joint.
##
Drinks.
What can we get you?
Shanna Banana?
Another big-ass
Long Island iced tea.
Bombay Sapphire
and tonic with no ice.
Good boy.
Oh, hey, Punky.
Uh, one of the lights
is off in the parking lot. Flip it.
- Oh! Jesus Christ!
- Whoa-ho!
You scared the fuck out of me,
you shitty asshole!
I swear, Arlene.
I was not trying to scare you.
I just... got lucky.
Oh, hardee-fucking-har.
- Let's go inside.
- Wait a minute.
- Why?
- I was thinkin' we could make out.
What, on a porch?
Not even in the bar,
but in front of the entrance?
- Forget it.
- No, in my car.
What, out there?
It's wet as fucking 'Nam out there.
Not in my car it's not.
Look, you won't get wet.
I promise you.
You know, most guys
wouldn't brag about that.
Ha ha ha.
I mean...
you know what I mean.
Look, I know you guys
are going to Lake L.B.J.
and we can't come.
I wanna make out...
Okay, just stop with the whining.
It's not attractive.
I don't want it super fucking obvious
to everybody in the bar we've been gone,
- so we'll make out for six minutes, deal?
- Great.
No, no, no.
Deal or no deal?
If you 're gonna whine
when I pull the plug in six minutes,
we could just walk back
inside the fucking bar right now.
- Deal. No whining.
- And no begging.
And no begging.
When you say "done," it's done.
I'm gonna remember
you said that.
Okay, let's go.
Oh, you got two jobs... kiss good
and make sure my hair don't get wet.
##
# It was early. early one morning #
# When I heard my bulldog bark #
# It was Staggolee and Billy Lyons #
# Squabblin ' in the dark... #
Now, look, you can't look like
you 're trying to get her out of here
before Christian Simonson shows up,
but you 've got to get her out of here
before Christian Simonson shows up.
Yeah, but what's the point?
They're going to Shanna's
daddy's house at Lake L.B.J.,
and it's no guys.
Absolutely no guys.
Okay. So after we bring
the girls' drinks,
in fairly rapid order, but not obvious,
we order two more rounds of shots.
You think they're gonna fall for that?
We'll be very convincing.
Now it's time to turn up the volume.
No more fucking around.
We go to Jдger shots.
Man, they're not gonna drink Jдger shots.
Dude, as long as
a guy's buying the booze,
a fucking bitch
will drink anything.
Come on, dude, we can
at least get one shot of Jдger
down these
fucking bitches' throats.
After that, we'll see if they get
another Jдger shot in them.
You never know.
That could be the shot
that puts them past the point of "fuck it."
Then all of a sudden
"no guys at the lake house"
turns into a couple of guys
at the lake house.
My point exactly.
And I know I can at least get
"Shanna Suck-my-banana"
to do a fucking Buttery Nipple shot.
What's Julia's sweet shot?
- Key Lime Pie.
- Oh, come on, dude.
Even fucking Leroy Brown
would do one more for dessert.
Dude, check it out.
I wonder if B.J.
brought the bear with him.
Jesus.
Dude fucking cut himself
falling out of his time machine.
Hi, could I get a chicken suit
for Stroker Ace, please?
# See the hole
I shot in his head #
# The high sheriff
told the deputy #
# Get your pistols
and come with me #
# We got to go arrest
a bad man #
# Known as Staggolee... #
# They laid them on the shelf
# If you want
that bad man Staggolee #
# You 'll have to arrest him yourself
# The high sheriff
asked the bartender... #
And where did you two disappear to?
I had to get something
out of the car,
and Nate was gentlemanly enough
to escort me with his umbrella.
Ah, good for you, Nate.
You see that pretty girl
sitting by herself at the bar?
Who, the dirty hippie?
Meow.