-star crew.
We got a guy who looks like Nic Cage
and Pee Wee Herman, too.
Kim, dick department.
Let's hear it!
Mm-mmm, no dick this trip.
I got a man.
- How long have you had this boyfriend?
- About three months.
Who'd you steal him from?
Nobody!
Kim!
- Wha... what?
He totally had a girlfriend.
All of Kim's boyfriends start out
as somebody else's boyfriend.
I did not steal him!
I didn't steal any of them;
they just... jumped ship.
- So what's your story, Abernathy?
- Oh, Abbie's got the big Kahuna.
I had a set crush on Cecil.
Set crush? Nigga, please.
You were his set wife!
"Were" and "had" being
the key words, here.
Bitch, you two are still
into each other and you know it.
Yeah, well, if he's so in love with me,
why did he fuck Darryl Hannah's stand-in?
Yes, men are dogs.
Oh, it's so funny!
Oh, it's so funny!
Stop acting all hurt.
Your ass just mad.
Yeah, he's a stand-in fucker.
You need to get over that shit.
That was two weeks ago.
Oh, well, now you put it like that...
Oh, I haven't told you the best part.
He fucked her on my birthday.
Oh, that's a horse of a different color.
- Thank you.
- Did he know it was your birthday?
I mean, he's the director.
He's kind of busy.
He ate a piece of my birthday cake,
and he got me a present.
- Wow.
- Yeah... I think he knew.
What did he get you?
He made me a tape.
He made you a tape?
Wait, he didn't burn you a CD?
He made you a tape?
- Yeah.
- Oh, that is so romantic!
Yes, I know what you 're gonna say,
so don't even go there.
This sounds like the test
of true love to me.
Look, I know you guys like him.
He's likeable.
But he fucked another woman
on my birthday.
How can you not be on my side?
I admit, that sounds bad.
It is bad!
It just sounds like there's
a little more to it than that.
Were you two fucking?
Hell, no.
Hello, is your name Abernathy?
Sorry.
The answer to your question
is no, of course not.
What do you mean "No, of course not"?
The reason Cecil hasn't had
a girlfriend in six years
is because girls will fuck him,
and if you fuck Cecil,
you don't become one
of his girlfriends...
not to say I want to be his girlfriend,
but if I did want to be his girlfriend,
if I fucked him, I wouldn't be.
I'd be one of his regulars,
and I'm getting too fuckin' old for that shit.
- Have you let him do anything?
- Yes!
I've let him give me a foot massage,
and when we go to the movies,
I've let him hold my hand.
Bitch, you might be actin'
like you 12 years old,
but he just acting like a man.
You need to break
that nigga off a piece.
Let me get this straight...
you 're not fucking him,
you 're not sucking him,
you 're not giving him any tongue,
but Darryl Hannah's stand-in is?
Can we just take my sex life
off the table?
Actually, it was Cecil's sex life
that was on the table...
and your lack of one.
Fuck both of you
and your little high-five.
Before you can claim a nigga,
you got to claim a nigga,
and you can start by giving
that motherfucker a hand job
in the back of the van
on Tuesday.
I'm not gonna do that!
I know you won't!
But you know who will...
the bitch that ends up living
in that big-ass mansion of his.
I haven't entirely agreed
with everything Kim's said,
but it is true if you 've stretched it out
like you have with Cecil
and you suddenly get dirty on them,
it blows their mind.
So Zoл, Kim, and I are
in the Philippines at an outdoor rave.
What were you working on?
- Three Kicks to the Head. Part Three.
And, admittedly,
we're a little fucked up.
Cheers to that.
- Word.
Cheers.
So Zoл...
the genius, wants to take
a picture of me.
It's dark as hell,
and you can't see shit.
So she's got her camera
and keeps saying, "Step back a little!"
So I do.
Then "A little fu -ther!"
So I step back a little fu -ther.
Then "A little more!" So I do.
Then I realize I'm at the edge
of a seven-foot concrete ditch...
...with God knows