of a bitch!
- I'm not going to argue with you.
- I want you out of this house by tomorrow morning!
- Sound familiar?
Now leave me alone!
For God's sake, stop sniveling.
Try to save yourself at least
a lick of self-respect!
Was I right? Adorable.
Snooping around
for an 11:00 newsbreak?
I take it back.
You're too much of a cunt to be a prick.
Don't say it, dear boy,
write it.
- Not being able to write
is like not being able to screw.
Well, maybe they sort of
depend on each other.
What the fuck
does that mean?
How the fuck do I know?
I'm a bartender,
not your psychiatrist.
The most beautiful girl
in the world
Picks my ties out
Eats my candy, drinks my brandy
The most beautiful girl
in the world
The most beautiful star
in the world
Isn't Garbo, isn't Dietrich
But the sweet trick
- That will make me believe
it's a beautiful world
I really hoped
when Molly moved in...
that we had a good chance
at a long-term relationship.
My romance doesn't
have to have a moon
In the sky
My romance doesn't
need a blue lagoon
Standing by
No month of May
No twinkling star
No hideaway
No soft guitar
My romance doesn't
need a castle
- Any idea what started it?
- Spontaneous combustion.
- What's that?
- The inevitable consequence...
of excessive vicissitude.
- What's that?
- Pressure.
Well, come on, explain.
Two people, who live an inharmonious
existence together...
eventually arrive at a point where the
pressure is so great, somebody has to give.
Unless you bleed off a certain
amount of steam in a pressure cooker,
- it will explode.
- Excessive vicissitude.
When wood is too dry
and the sun is too hot...
- Spontaneous combustion.
- Exactly.
You were the wood,
Molly was the sun.
A felicitous analogy.
- And what's that?
- Showing off with big words.
- Oh!
- It's a condition that occurs...
when I mix a lack of self-esteem
with an abundance of alcohol.
To be precise,
a Banzai Sunset.
- All right, Zach. Car keys. Uh!
- Uh-uh.
Hey. Molly took my Jeep
and my Mercedes burned up with the fire.
Come on. Give her
some credit, will ya?
Most of the women I know
would have swung with the Mercedes.
- It had a flat.
- Oh, it had a flat.
- When you pass out, where do I ship the body?
- I don't know.
So far it's a toss-up between your
guest room and the Ambassador Hotel.
- My guest room is occupied.
- By whom?
- By a guest.
- I don't believe you.
You're just timid about tidying up
after a drunk.
Tidying up is a cinch. It's replacing
furniture, buying new carpet,
painting out the graffiti
is what makes me timid.
What are you looking for?
You hid the nuts. Didn't
I reimburse you for all that stuff?
- Some things are not reimbursable.
- For instance?
Like putting Krazy Glue on my dog's balls,
then sticking him halfway up the wall.
- I see your point.
- Look, it's not that I don't empathize.
- What's that?
- Feel sorry for you.
- Good night, Barney.
- Good night, Barney.
- Hi, Barney.
- Lonnie!
- Hey, girls. - Hey,
doll! - Hi, Lonnie!
- What's the soup?
- Lentil.
- It was lentil last week.
- When the lentil's all gone, it'll be something else.
I'd love a steak,
but I shouldn't.
Sure you should. The kind of shape
you're in, you could eat a whole cow.
- Good evening.
- Hi.
- What's that you're playing?
- Something Cole Porter made up.
You play very well.
Are you a professional musician?
No. Are you?
No. I don't know
anything about music.
That kind of music, anyway.
Can you play
"Three Times A Lady"?
I'm sorry.
I'm not quite drunk enough yet.
- Miss?
- Jones. Lonnie Jones.
I'm Zach. Hi.
If you're still here when I finish
my steak and lentil soup, Zach,
we'll pick up this conversation
where it left off.
Have you met Miss Jones
Someone said
as we shook hands
She was just Miss Jones
to me
Then I said Miss Jones
You're