Alex,
but the truth is, Barney,
in the deep dark silence
of my considered conscience,
where there's just me and me,
the unmitigated truth...
is I want it all.
Hey, wanting is okay.
I want a loving,
faithful, caring,
caretaking wife,
and I wanna make love
to everything else in long skirts,
with bare feet
and ripe, juicy mouths.
Little boy-girls with small,
firm breasts and tight asses.
Rubenesque round women...
with big Mother Earth breasts
and green eyes.
God! I could go on and on.
Don't. I'm getting a hard-on.
Me too.
The point is I'm bright enough
to know it's an impossible dream,
but I'm helpless
to act otherwise.
However, the ultimate fate
of the bill is still in question,
since those close to the president,
who were willing to guess,
believe he will veto the bill.
But proponents say such
a program is the only way to...
Zach, may I make
a suggestion?
- Please do.
- Look.
Don't try to solve it tonight.
Go home. Sleep on it.
Alas, old friend,
I have no home.
She chucked me out...
lock, stock and typewriter.
What have you got
against my typewriter?
You used to write on it...
books and plays and movies.
Once, once you wrote a poem on our
second anniversary and gave it to me.
And you were happy. You exorcised
your demons with credible thoughts...
and good words on that typewriter,
and your talent turned me on.
I really thought we had a chance
"until death do us part."
And then one day
you stopped.
- You gave up.
- I dried up. It happens to writers.
Oh, so you bury yourself with the first
available young female that comes along,
in the hopes that she's going to
magically restore your lost talent?
- Alex...
- No, don't say it. This is a lecture, not a debate.
And since I don't intend to speak
to you for the rest of this lifetime,
you either get out now,
or shut up and let me finish.
I'm not saying that
your condition is unique.
In fact, quite a few
older men do the same thing.
How about quite a few
older women?
If you're trying to
redeem yourself...
by implying that I might
have been unfaithful to you,
you're barking up
the wrong older woman.
I could have,
but regrettably didn't.
I threw out that typewriter
because it represents everything...
that could have been loving
and lasting...
and wonderful,
and everything that wasn't.
- Can I say something? Please?
- No! No! No!
You have 20 minutes to get your things
and get out of this house forever,
or I will get a restraining order
and have you removed.
It's over, but I still
love that woman, Jake.
- You think you could patch it up?
- No, it's over.
Hmm. That's a shame, because
her divorce lawyer called this morning.
- She... She's gonna be tough.
- How tough?
Well, half of everything you've earned
since you've been married.
- a hundred thousand a year for the next five years,
- What?
- the house, the farm, both cars.
- You've gotta be kidding.
- There's something I forgot.
- How about the shirt off my back?
- That's it.
- I'll tell you what I'll give her.
I'll give her exactly
what she's entitled to.
The house, the farm,
both cars.
A $ 100,000 a year
for five years.
I'm a desperate man, Doctor.
I need help.
I've gotta change
my way of living.
And if that ain't enough,
I'm gonna change the way
I strut my stuff.
'Cause nobody loves you
when you're old and gray
There'll be some changes
made today
Yes, sir, there'll be
some changes made
Duh-duh-da
I couldn't resist it.
- You think I'm crazy?
- No.
Then, what the hell
is wrong with me?
Well, for one thing,
you can't sing worth shit.
I can't go on like this, Doctor.
If it's the last thing I do, I'm gonna
settle down, start writing again...
and stop chasing after
beautiful, young women.
Whoa!
Camera two, get a tight shot on Alex,
will ya? We don't