.
I mean, it's how
I make my living.
You know, I could've sued
your ass off, Zach.
But instead I decided to get a job. You
may not approve, but it pays the rent.
- I approve, okay?
- If you think it's so silly, what are you doing here?
- I guess I'm getting a complimentary herbal wrap.
- But if it's so silly...
It's not, okay?
Wrap me.
The silly little pads
I've attached to your problem areas...
will make
your muscles contract.
The more I increase
the current,
- the more your muscles will contract.
- Molly...
For the first silly treatment,
it's not advisable to exceed plus-three.
God, I wish I didn't
hate you so much, Zach.
- M-Molly?
- After ten silly treatments,
you should be able
to handle plus-seven.
M-Mo-Mo-Mo...
Why'd you have to act
like such a dick?
Anything above plus-seven...
could be dangerous.
Molly! Molly!
Give me that!
Go fuck yourself!
- How much?
- Two and a quarter.
Hey!
All you got to do is drive down
Sunset, look at the billboard.
She's representing
something called Shape.
Yeah, it's a magazine.
We represent it as well.
You will not believe
this woman.
Yeah, well, you know,
that magazine is throwing...
a big party tonight
at the Century Plaza.
- You probably got an invitation.
- You think so?
- Yeah.
- Oh, God!
- You all right?
- Maybe I should have something to eat.
- Coffee?
- No, that's bad. l... Okay.
- Goddamn it!
- What's the matter?
I can never tie
these fucking ties.
Oh, God.
Stop complaining.
How many times a year
do you have to put on your tux?
- You know something, Bern?
- Yeah.
One of us is wearing
the wrong clothes.
Which one?
The Shape
black-tie party...
is at the Century Plaza tonight.
- Uh-huh.
- The Share costume ball...
is at the Century Plaza
next Friday night.
Nice costume.
Is the Shape party
in here?
- Aladdin?
- That's what he told me.
Bern, he's gonna kill me.
Bernice, it is not funny.
Okay.
Get me the fuck
out of here.
Jake! Jake!
- You told me it was a costume party!
- Where did you get...
Bernice, stop it.
- The lamp...
- Look at the shoes!
I'm sorry.
Zach, I'm really sorry.
I tried to call you
several times.
- Jake.
- Howard. How are you?
Howard, this is Zach Hutton.
Zach, this is Howard Simon.
He's your host.
Howdy, Howard.
I told Zach that it was
a costume party.
- I tried to call you.
- You're fired.
Cheer up.
Inside of about five minutes,
I drank 14 glasses of champagne.
By the shank of the evening,
I was completely shit-faced.
Steamboat coming through. Excuse me.
And fearless.
How do you do.
My name is Zachary Hutton,
and my wish is to fuck you.
I'm in deep therapy.
I could probably use,
you know, psychoanalysis.
That girl looks like
a psychoanalyst.
- So what's the answer?
- What's the question?
Can a man change
his character...
- even if a scorpion can't?
- Hmm.
Good question.
What's the answer?
The answer is yes, providing
you know what your problem is.
I know what my problem is,
and I can't change it.
- Have you tried?
- No.
- Don't you want to?
- To be honest, I haven't given it much thought.
- Do you know why you don't want to?
- I haven't the foggiest.
Because you don't know
what the alternative is.
- Oh, I see.
- I know my alternative.
No more young,
healthy bodies...
with beautiful,
empty heads.
My salvation is a handsome,
experienced, healthy
middle-aged woman...
who's been married at least once,
and who is a great deal smarter than I.
- How's Alex?
- I was just about to call her.
Hey, Barney, do you have...
Oh, yeah.
Thank you.
- Hello?
- Hello, Greg?
- Who is this?
- This is your stepfather. May I speak to Alex?
Uh, no, she's gone
for the weekend.
- Where?
- She asked me not to give out that information, Zach.
Well, you're a fine
young lad, aren't you?
Please tell her I called.
Sure.
I wish he'd stay
the hell out of her life.