make it.
I just need a minute.
I'll be ready
in just a minute.
I just got...
Oh, God.
How do I look?
Take off the gun.
That's a good idea.
The little bastards
are going to eat you alive.
Get some rest,
and don't worry.
I've been working undercover
for a long time.
They're 6-year-olds.
How much trouble
can they be?
On second thought...
take the gun.
Matthew...
I sent you to
the principal's office
because you punched Jenny.
I know. She poisoned
your hamsters.
She told me all about it...
and she's very sorry.
And I'm sorry that
I didn't believe you.
- But you shouldn't punch people.
- But she...
Mr. Kimble, Miss Schlowski
will see you now.
Let's go back to class.
Can I help you?
I'm John Kimble,
your new kindergarten teacher.
We were expecting
a Miss O'Hara.
There's been
a change of plan.
Four weeks into
the new semester...
my superintendent told me
I had to replace Mrs. Hagley...
a kindergarten teacher
of 25 years' experience...
with an undercover
police officer...
and he wouldn't even tell me why.
I don't suppose you
would do me the courtesy
of filling me in.
I can't do that.
Oh.
You can't do that.
I'm watching you.
All I have to do
is tell my parents
that you're
with the police...
and they'll yank their kids
out of this school so fast...
we'd have to close.
And don't you think I won't
if I feel my children
are in any danger.
They're not in danger.
I assume you have
some teaching experience.
They wouldn't have
sent me otherwise.
Just wait here a minute.
Everybody sit down
on the carpet!
Good morning, everyone.
Good morning, Miss Schlowski.
Your teacher, Mrs. Hagley
had to go on
an important trip.
Where'd she go?
That doesn't matter.
Did she die?
No, Lowell.
She went to see someone.
Did they die?
No, Lowell.
Everyone dies, you know.
I know, but not
for a long, long time.
Now, until Mrs. Hagley
comes back...
we have someone special to help.
This is Mr. Kimble...
your new kindergarten teacher.
Now, let's everybody say,
"Good morning, Mr. Kimble."
Good morning, Mr. Kimble.
Good morning.
They're all yours.
I'll be watching you.
Hi.
How are you?
I'm very happy to be here.
First I would like
to just get to know you.
Quiet.
I'm going to ask you
a bunch of questions.
I want to have them
answered immediately.
How many of you
were born in Astoria?
Raise your hands.
Let's see them.
Okay, hmm.
Now, anyone that was not
born in Astoria...
somewhere outside
like California...
raise your hands.
Yes.
I need to go
to the bathroom.
Okay. You can go.
Boys have a penis.
Girls have a vagina.
Thanks for the tip.
Yes?
I need to go
to the bathroom...
and I can't get
these things off.
I'll get someone
to help you.
I'll be right back, okay?
You've learned that
the "e" is often silent
when it immediately
follows another vowel.
Now write and say
these words...
Oh, um...
class, uh, Catherine...
can you take over
for me, please?
Thank you.
"E" is the fifth letter
of the alphabet.
Yes, can I help you?
I have a problem.
Mr. Kimble...
I need to go real bad.
First day?
Yes.
I'll take care of her.
Thank you.
You know, kindergarten
is like the ocean.
Don't turn your back on it.
They're okay.
Don't worry.
Everything is under control.
No.
Monsters.
What are you doing with this?
Aren't you going
to break it up?
No. Two more days of this...
and he'll quit.
Shut up!
Shut up! Shut up!
Shut up.
No.
Don't start this.
Aah!
Attention!
This is your new class mascot.
What happened to your dog?
This is not a dog.
This is a ferret.
What's a ferret?
That's a ferret.
Oh!
If he bites you,
you get rabies and die.
No. That's not true.
He never bites.
Can I pet him?
Sure, but one at a time, okay?
Good. Okay, next one.
Come on.
Yes.
Good.
Yeah.
Good. Now we're having fun.
What's that
supposed to mean?
Mrs. Hagley
is a lot better than you.
Is she?
Is she really?
My mom's a teacher
in this