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conference.
Which ended quite tragically,
but no one could foresee it then.
Not ensign, not Talalaev,
not even me...
INDIAN DISEASE
Major Sirota was ordered
to quarter the pilgrims...
...and post them to guard duty.
But only for 24 hours!
For Talalaev this was
a priceless opportunity.
That year our collective farm
had a record potato harvest.
So he decided to send
Hindus to the fields.
They'd be much better
than soldiers.
Working for an idea,
not under constraint.
Commercially it promised to be
a huge success!
Get yourself a sun-helmet!
We're planters now!
Ensign Karnouchova was
promoted to guide-interpreter.
Though she didn't know
any languages.
Soldiers!
Get me the guard-duty
regulations!
To draw wisdom from!
I'm starting to loose contact
with higher plains lately...
Maybe some brain disfunction...
Barracks are somewhat
like a monastery.
Military service is ascetic
in nature.
You mortify your flesh
to harden your spirit.
So the Indians felt quite at home...
Only slightly baffled
by some of our traditions.
Interested?
This is how many days are left
before demobilization.
This is where I'm going home!
And every day I'm cutting off
a little piece.
I'll show you.
Want to do it yourself?
Go ahead! Carefully!
Hey!
Don't you do the same in India?
That's it!
A present!
Give it to Indira Gandhi!
Respected Commander, Sir!
When will we be honored to see
incomparable Nicola Baba?
After lunch.
And if you've got nothing to do,
try reading the regulations!
It's in the Lenin's Room!
The conference should
have ended by bedtime.
And in the morning -
collective farm!
Just a couple of articles
from regulations.
And then pass on to the
necessity of unpaid farm labor!
Fresh air, fresh milk,
poetry of the hoe...
I'll pass on to agriculture
right after submachine gun.
Submachine-gun as
the somewhat modernized hoe!
Clever!
Orders of a superior
should be obeyed.
Platoon duty officer is appointed
from among sergeants...
or non-commissioned officers.
Sahib, we've been studying this
sacred book for two hours.
But much of it still remains
secret knowledge to us.
Could you please explain?
The army's not your mammy!
The stripe's not a shoulder strap!
NCO is not an officer!
Salute the shoulder-strap,
respect the old-timers!
In the army you are
an unbodied spirit!
Old-timer is your God Almighty!
I see, Unbodied Spirit
is the first incarnation.
But what's the highest one?
Demobee!
All the roads are open before him!
But first you must pass
through many... incarnations.
Demobee?
Demobee. It's the highest form
of reincarnation!
To the undying friendship between
the peoples of India and Russia!
Now let me leave the floor
to our esteemed Nicola Baba!
We were waiting for him
to speak for a long time!
Let's sit at the tables and meditate!
The conference began in the spirit
of detente, not to say consensus.
The dialog promised
to be constructive.
If anybody has a question,
feel free to ask!
We' d like to know
why the Earth is round.
This shape is best
for wearing a service cap.
Service cap in a cosmic sense?
Obviously not literally!
My won't fit for example!
Then the missile flies in
a parabola.
On a flat surface
we couldn't bomb the Americans!
To parabola!
Every thing must be parallel
or perpendicular!
I don't drink!
Don't know how.
If it's not then it's just
lying around!
To geometry!
To Raj Kapur, to Indira Gandhi!
Maybe just a little bit.
Perch, pike, burbot -
they stay close to the bottom.
And there's no sheleshper
in our river.
It likes open spaces!
What's substance without form?
A bloody gook!
And a man without uniform?
Not even a gook,
I beg your pardon...
...but a civilian.
To form!
I cast again...
...and it seems I got something!
I often hear people got
no purpose in life.
In the army you aim for the target!
It's true you can miss.
But you know what to strive for!
Yes!
And in the boat!
That big a fish!
ДМБ-002 ДМБ-002

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