the need for discipline.
Only iron gloves - said I.
Grave will teach them -
he answered.
And bet his car on it!
So I stuck this beard on,
took the glasses...
went to the village and said...
Stop drinking!
I've been sent
by the Higher Forces!
Or you'll get Armageddon and
Apocalypses in one package!
So they've told me to fuck off.
I opened my mouth and roared:
Abracadabra! Attention all!
And pulled a wire.
And the village council house...
...just blew up in the air!
So they came to believe in me!
But why did the council house
blow up?
'Cos I've planted a hand-grenade
and tied a wire to the ring.
Now I'm like a father and mother
to them. So how can I quit?
If I break my cover now,
they'll take whole village apart.
They've only just started living!
And the chairman?
Did he give you his car?
With the chairman
it was a little awkward.
He also took to new faith!
And where did the grenade
come from?
From the service. Something to
remember our glorious army by!
You were a commissar?
No!
Just an ensign!
Kazakov!
Rest!
Hey! Godspeed!
What's that?
Where am I?
In the barrel, sir!
But why?
For safekeeping, comrade ensign.
While you rested,
we took the warheads from the enemy!
Now we'll let you out!
Do it, soldiers!
Don't worry!
Fuck!
Someone's welded our ensign.
Now what do we do?
Take the whole package,
what else?
He's heavy as it is,
and we've got two warheads to carry.
Soldiers! Barrel or no barrel,
we won't be late for the exhibition!
Or just shove me the pistol,
I'll kill myself right here!
Save the bullets,
you'll need them yet!
First we've got to leave
Shittino behind.
It's populated by
religious fanatics!
Take a rest, we'll take you
to the exhibition in time!
Up!
Don't you have any mothers?!
How did they raise you like that?!
It was impossible to free our
ensign along the way.
So he spent the entire trip
in the fuel barrel.
And that's yet another story...
NICKOLA-BABA
We were almost
too late for the exhibition.
But it passed brilliantly.
Our secret weapons were in great
demand then...
among some
underdeveloped countries.
One maharaja came every year.
Usually he bought one tank
and some missiles.
So we sold him our warheads.
TNT? Pyroceline? Plastid?
This is cabbagium-72!
Secret stuff!
One warhead will work such
Brahmaputra, you won't be sorry!
We'll take all six, sahib!
Fine!
Won't have to sit here all day.
A person needs some free oxygen!
To remember the Civvy Street!
Why don't you sell
the big one, sahib?
What secret does it contain?
This ain't no bomb,
it's a barrel!
And there's no secret stuff inside,
just our ensign Kazakov.
At first maharaja didn't believe.
Let me show you!
We had to show him our ensign.
So he wouldn't believe
we were hiding something.
Hindy-russi - bhai-bhai!
But why is your commander
in the barrel?
He's not just a commander,
he's a famous military yogi.
That's a special
motherland-loving exercise...
... to better spread this love
among the young recruits!
Very good!
Can we ask him a question?
Go ahead.
He's not classified.
What's the main source of
mystical powers in a man?
His legs.
Without legs a soldier's
unsuitable for guard duty.
A soldier must walk constantly!
How can you charge your brain
with cosmic powers?
During the business trip.
You can meet people
and raise your cultural level.
Crossword puzzles solve
much easier.
What's the meaning of life?
Command post duty roster.
It's enough
to understand everything.
And brain without regulation
is just a headache!
You don't say!
And we bend
our legs around the back...
...and shove pencils down the noses.
It's much better your way!
You're a great Baba!
"Baba" yourself!
In your language "baba"
means "woman".
But in ours - a great teacher!
Be our idol!
We'll write a book about it,
and it'll be adapted for screen.
By all means.
Just for 20 rubles a person you'll
see amazing spiritual horizons!
Only put