kids, and there
were these girls at the company.
I got them pregnant,
so I stole from the company
to pay for the abortions...
God bless you.
Thank you, Father.
I've always loved you, darling,
but I have to tell you
I was unfaithful to you, just once.
I understand, darling.
Remember Jill, my first secretary?
Forgive me.
That's all right.
I knew about it all the time.
I was unfaithful, too.
I understand, darling.
Remember Susan, your last receptionist?
I don't mean to sound forward.
I mean, I know I don't know you, but...
I don't think we're going
to live through this,
and... I've... never...
been with a man before.
I know this really isn't the place.
No, no. I understand.
Who turned off the...
What are you doing, Captain?
This is highly irregular.
- Get me some coffee, miss.
- Yes, sir.
And a quart of Geritol
and a ham on rye.
Welcome home, sir.
Here's the navigational charts, sir.
Get me radio contact
with that ship. Pronto.
Here's all the information
on the sun. That thing is hot!
Get Bud Kruger immediately.
And some ice.
Yes, sir.
Jacobs.
I want to know absolutely everything
that's happened up till now.
First the Earth cooled,
and then the dinosaurs came.
But they got too big,
so they died, and turned into oil.
Then the Arabs came and
bought Mercedes Benzes.
Prince Charles started
wearing Lady Di's clothes.
I couldn't believe it! He took
her best summer dress, put it on...
Things sure haven't changed.
Captain, I think we've got...
Captain Oveur, what's wrong?
What's wrong?
What are you trying to say?
One... One what? One word!
First word? First syllable?
Captain, I'm not very good at this.
10 words!
How to Succeed in Business
Without Really Trying.
What am I saying? Throat.
Throat. Sounds like choke.
Choke. You...
Oh, my God!
You were gassed by Rok?
I got it! I got it!
Simon, the Captain's
been gassed by Rok.
Simon, we're way off course.
You're right, Elaine.
We are off course.
- My God! The sun!
- What is it, Simon?
The fiery ball in our solar system,
but that's not important now.
We're headed right for it.
We've got to leave this ship.
That's foolish.
We have to change course.
We're computer-locked, and the manual
navigational system is down.
Ted was right all along.
What will I do?
My career will be ruined.
What about the careers
of everyone on this ship?
The lawyers, the architects,
the dental hygienists?
Forget about them.
We have to think of ourselves.
What happened to the man I thought
I loved? I'm going to get Ted.
Don't come apart on me now.
I don't mean to sound forward -
I mean, I know I don't know you,
but I don't think that we're going
to live through this.
And I've never been with a man before.
I know that this isn't the right place.
Until we get through, our hands
are tied. We need plans.
I'm busy right through Friday.
- Stinson.
- But how about lunch Saturday?
Have you contacted the families
of those on board?
They're outside now, sir.
They're not too happy.
Try and calm them down.
For God's sake, be diplomatic.
Give them the lead!
Ted, listen to me.
We've lost the crew, and
Simon's turned to jelly.
Ted, we need you.
Elaine, you were right about me.
I folded up over Macho Grande,
and I folded up on the test flight.
I crack under pressure
just like they said.
You overcame your drinking problem.
I know you can overcome this.
It's no use, Elaine.
I just can't do it.
Ted, you were right about this ship.
I don't know how to say this, but
maybe in this topsy-turvy world,
they should take all the "sane"
people and lock them up
and let all the psychopaths out of
the asylums to run the world.
No... on second thoughts,
that's a bad idea.
What I'm trying to say is that I was
wrong and I hope you forgive me,
because we need you in
that cockpit now more than ever.
There's some banged-up
people back there.
I'll need some fresh sheets, gauze,
and all the Vaseline you have.
- Ted,