real help.
-It's gonna be fine.
Yeah, I know.
-What are you writing, honey?
-Well--
Never mind. Doesn't matter.
He won't read that.
It's what you do in person.
It's how you talk to him.
If you're confident. If you're not nervous.
You'll get the job.
Sit over there. Okay. Next.
-Come on in.
-Good luck, darling.
Sit down.
Last job held...
millionaire playboy?
-Right.
-Exactly what did that entail?
I raced cars. I bred horses.
I yachted. The usual.
Mr. Bach, this is a hardware store.
Have you ever been
inside a hardware store?
No, not actually inside, I must confess.
Once I overheard the servants talk
about how they had to go to one.
You deal in tools, right?
Servants?
That's one for the books.
You're laughing.
That means you like me.
It's going great.
He's laughing and everything.
I'll keep you informed.
We're getting on fine, aren't we?
Arthur, we're looking for somebody
who's honest...
not afraid to learn,
and not afraid to do a little hard work.
Hank, if you hire me, I'll help you look.
How do I think of these things? Wait.
I just got off a great zinger
about helping him look.
It's in the bag.
This is sort of new to you.
How about a drink?
No. It's not time.
Now it's time.
Arthur, what are you doing here?
I'm having a drink with you.
Come on, Arthur, really.
What are you doing here?
My wife is trying to adopt a baby...
and the agency said I have to have a job.
You know, she's really depending on me.
Nobody's ever depended on me ever
for anything.
I'm scared to death, but here I am.
Everybody says...
we're supposed to give
kids without any experience a break.
I don't see why I can't give
somebody my own age a break, also.
-That's good, right?
-Yeah.
-What you said about....
-Sure.
We had a sentimental moment.
He said something about giving a break.
I'm drinking the man's gin,
so I think the rest of you can call it a day.
-You got the job!
-I may be jumping.
-How do you do?
-This is my wife.
How do you do?
I think it's okay.
Here we go.
Here's a blank embryo key.
We put the original in here.
Lock the little key in there,
and then we put the one...
that you're gonna have done right in there.
Then we do that, press that...
and let it go on its own.
I can almost sing what it says now.
Believe it or not, that is done.
-That's quick, too.
-Yeah. It's quick. Quick as a flash.
God. Here we are. There's the original.
Now, it's got
a few bits and pieces on here.
And I'll just take this off
and make sure you can get in the door.
Otherwise, you wouldn't
be able to move it in there.
You see? Here we are.
You might have to jiggle it a bit....
Be sure to save your receipt.
Excuse me. Would this work
on fabricated half-inch pipe?
Are you kidding? This thing was made
for fabricated half-inch pipe.
This thing's middle name
is fabricated half-inch pipe.
Fabricated half-inch pipe.
Watch out! Here comes its thing!
What's wrong with you?
Nothing. I've just gone all day
without a nap.
It's $8.99 plus tax.
$8.99 plus tax.
Total....
Open up.
Amityville cash register.
Forget it. Life's too short.
Hi. Can I help you?
What is fabricated half-inch pipe, anyway?
-Hank.
-Arthur, do you have a minute?
Yeah, sure.
Yeah. Great. No problems at all.
There is one thing.
Hardly worth mentioning.
I can't get these stupid machines to work.
Arthur, I'm sorry. I've got some bad news.
I have to let you go.
But wait a minute, I just got here, Hank.
You said you'd give me a chance.
No, it's not me.
The store's just been sold,
and the new owner wants you out.
He mentioned you by name.
I'll probably be next.
I don't understand it myself.
Here, maybe this will help.
No. I've just been here half a day.
I think I broke your cash register.
Go on. Take it.
I feel awful.
Thanks, Hank.
I'll pay you back.
Come in, Mr. Butterworth.
The door is open.
Hello, Linda.
You're not Mr. Butterworth.
I can tell by the coat.