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Фильмы по алфавиту

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Альф

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bathroom.
Did you
have to
go now ?
Yes, or i would
have done something
To make the court
hold me in contempt.
Can we start
now, honey ?
Objection !
There can be no justice
if i call you "your honor,"
But the prosecution
calls you "honey."
It doesn't matter.
Perhaps a compromise --
We'll call you
"your honey."
Let me add, your
dress is perfect --
Authoritative,
yet feminine.
It's ridiculous !
Let the record show that
willie hates your dress.
Willie gave me
this dress.
Bribing the judge, huh ?
Willie, i guess you have
an opening statement.
That won't take long.
Alf broke the window.
Great speech,
counselor.
I'm a
goner,
ha ha.
Alf, i presume you have
an opening statement.
A brief
comment.
Since the
dawn of time,
The innocent
have been
unjustly
accused.
Adam and eve were evicted
from the garden of eden
On a trumped-Up charge
of eating an apple.
But adam
and eve
were guilty.
Says who ?
Says god.
Moving on --
We come to the case
of cain versus abel ...
Is this a trip
through recorded
history ?
The importance of this
case demands that ...
Because,
if so,
We'll have to
forget about lunch.
To sum it up, alf didn't
break the window.
Let's eat.
We'd better finish
the trial, first.
Willie, present
your evidence.
The case
is simple.
We have here
a broken window,
And a defendant
with a long, long
history
Of reckless
behavior.
Starting with the day
he crashed his spaceship
into our garage.
Name 12 more.
To name 12 more --
He set a fire
in the camper,
Chopped up our
christmas tree,
Wrecked the toaster,
ripped that painting,
Dug up the back yard,
stole a car,
Buried my piano --
That hurt me
the most --
He got me arrested,
used our credit cards,
Excessively and illegally,
He short-Circuited
the tv,
Terrorized
the cat, and
He blew up
the kitchen.
It's not hard
to imagine,
that such
a person
Would,
could,
and did
Kick a football
through the
ochmoneks'
window.
Brilliant !
Did i do all that ?
I'm afraid so --
We went
over the list
last night.
Where ?
In bed.
Objection !
I'm up all night
with law books,
While you're in bed with
that ambulance chaser.
You are out
of order.
I withdraw the slur
on my profession.
I'd like to ask
the "defendant"
A couple of questions --
My "client" has
nothing to hide.
As regards this
broken window,
Do you have
an alibi ?
No.
By your own admission,
you kicked that football
into their back yard ?
By my own admission,
i never heard anything break.
If a window breaks
in the woods,
And there's no one
to hear it,
Is it really broken ?
If you were in
the woods --
Yeah.
Do you still claim
that ella fitzgerald
broke that window ?
That's
entirely
possible.
It's not possible.
It is !
It's not possible,
Because ella fitzgerald
was out of town.
I've checked that out.
Do you know where
beverly sills was ?
I have no further questions.
That's your whole case ?
You're a disgrace to
the legal profession.
You don't know your
habeas from your corpus.
Don't drag this
into the gutter.
I call to the stand ...
What's
wrong ?
You ruined
my dramatic pause.
I was about to name
a surprise witness.
Sorry.
I call to the stand
Lynn tanner.
Me ?
Surprise !
How long
have you known
the defendant ?
I've known you ...
I mean the
defendant,
About a year.
Would you say the
defendant has any
saintly qualities ?
Well, he resembles
a saint bernard.
[ Laughs ]
Quiet, shyster !
Do you think that
the defendant broke
the window ?
I guess not.
Thanks, you're
out of here.
Next witness i'd
like to call --
But let me check
something first --
Brian, come here.
Do you think i
broke the window ?
I don't know.
Well, think
about it.
I call brian tanner
to the stand.
He gave
him a
bribe !
Think of it as an
early birthday present.
Thanks,
alf.
Are there any
other witnesses ?
Yes, your honor.
I'd like to call
myself
Альф Альф

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