in her pants.
Wait for the astronaut.
Oh, they got one on
every corner in Houston.
Say hi to Race.
Love ya.
Astronauts!
So?
We better get going.
I'll say good-bye
to my mother.
Want to go with?
No. I don't think
I'm up to it today.
Sure would be nice to have
a mother somebody liked.
Why don't you
face up the fact...
that you have
certain biological needs?
Because I don't.
Mom! I'm going now.
Excuse me.
Can you believe it?
He wants to take me to Tahiti.
I don't know why you
treat these men like this.
They have feelings, too.
Has the astronaut moved in yet?
Who?
Who? Is Patsy teaching
you coy lessons?
Breedlove, Garrett.
Next door.
Has he moved in?
Put your socks up!
Say good-bye to Patsy.
Be home by 11:00.
Say good-bye to Patsy.
Good-bye, Patsy!
[Patsy]
Good-bye, Mrs. Greenway.
[Ethel Merman
Speaking On Record]
[Emma Mimicking Merman]
In this day and age, anything goes.
[Singing Along]
# Times have changed #
# And we've often rewound the clock #
# Since the Puritans got a shock #
# When they landed on
Plymouth Rock #
# If today #
# Any rock they
should try to stem #
# Instead of landing
on Plymouth Rock #
# Plymouth Rock #
# Would land on them ##
I feel foolish getting stoned
to hear Mary Martin.
See, Patsy,
this is Mary Mar...
This isn't Mary Martin.
This is Ethel Merman.
## [Continues, Indistinct]
This is the last time
we'll be like this.
I just plain refuse...
to get into that
kind of thinking.
It shouldn't stop.
I mean, we will be best friends.
Our babies will be best friends.
We'll all be best friends.
Emma?
Oh, God!
Just a minute.
Open the door.
Uh,
Emma, open the door.
Just a minute.
I need to talk to you!
All right.
I'm getting married.
What the hell.
Meet me in my room?
Yes.
What do you think she wants?
Maybe she's going
to tell you how to have sex.
No. She only knows
how to avoid it.
I can't believe
you said that.
I didn't mean it.
I swear.
What have you
been doing, Emma?
Nothing.
What is it, Momma?
I really want to get some sleep...
so I look halfway decent
for tomorrow.
Come on.
What is it?
Would you want me to be
silent about something...
that's for your own good?
Yes, ma'am, I would.
Okay, come on.
I've been in here all night.
I've been trying
to decide what...
what wedding gift
to get you.
I thought of that Renoir
that my mother gave me.
But I couldn't reach a conclusion.
Then I came to grips
with the reason why...
I couldn't think
of your wedding gift.
It's all right.
I need dishes,
Corningware,
a rotisserie...
the car,
a house.
Emma,
I'm totally convinced...
if you marry Flap Horton tomorrow,
it will be a mistake
of such gigantic proportions,
it'll ruin your life and
make wretched your destiny.
Why are you doing this to me?
You're not special enough...
to overcome a bad marriage.
Emma, use your brains.
Flap is limited.
He has no imagination.
All he wants
is a secure teaching job.
Mother,
I'm marrying Flap tomorrow.
I thank God Flap's
getting me out of here.
If this is your attitude,
don't come to my wedding.
Hmm,
that... that's right.
No, I think you're right.
The hypocrisy
was bothering me, too.
My own mother's
not coming to my wedding.
[Telephone Rings]
[Ring]
[Ring]
[Ring]
[Ring]
Listen to her.
She's going crazy.
I'll give her until
noon tomorrow.
Emma, your mother
boycotted your wedding,
she hates your husband,
and she only holds you
in medium esteem.
[Chuckling]
Medium esteem.
That is so cute.
That is so cute.
[Ring]
Wouldn't it have been strange...
if one of us married
a person who didn't read?
[Ring]
There's millions
of interesting people...
who never pick up a book.
[Ring]
Flap, I feel so
totally good about us.
I hope I get
pregnant tonight.
That would be nice.
Ah-choo!
Emma,
I love the way you look.
Uh,
you were...
you're so nice.
I'm...
You're my sweet-ass gal.
Oh.
Ah-choo!
Ha ha ha ha ha!