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You are not gonna sleep
with your mother and me tonight,
so you can forget it.
And keep this up,
and you're not gonna look
at those monster magazines.
We're all here.
What's the deal?
What the hell's Monster Squad?
lt's us.
We're the Monster Squad.
- Since when?
- Since now!
What's a ''squad''?
lt's like Miami Vice, l think.
Look. l think there's monsters.
Like, real ones.
l heard my dad talking on the telephone
to a guy down at the police station.
There was a guy screaming
he was a werewolf.
And they shot him.
And the body disappeared
from the coroner van.
And the coroner guy was dead.
So what? He got shot,
and the werewolf took his body?
No, you pinhead!
He was a werewolf! Maybe.
But if they shot him...
They must've been regular bullets,
not silver ones.
Look, l know this will sound pretty stupid,
but a mummy disappeared
from the museum tonight.
Mummy came in my house.
And, guys...
Dracula might be here, too.
Aw, man,
Fat Kid farted!
- Oh, God.
- Did not.
Can't you hold it? God!
God damn it, would you shut up?
Did you hear a word l said?
The guys are dead!
Get a clue!
Something's out there,
and it's killin' people!
And if it's monsters,
nobody's gonna do a thing
about it but us.
So, what do we do?
Think this book might be important.
Look. lt's Van Helsing's diary.
Mom said they found it in an old house
on Shadowbrook Road.
But l can't read it.
lt's all in German.
My sister takes German in high school.
Your sister doesn't speak German.
All she does is hang around,
and the guys touch her tits.
Your sister wouldn't happen to live
next-door, would she?
So what?
That girl's your sister?
So, what do you say?
Are we Monster Squad...
...or what?
- Cool.
- All right.
How does that dog get up here,
Old friend.
How do you like your new home?
l must sleep soon,
so listen very carefully.
Van Helsing's diary...
...is missing.
l want you to retrieve it for me.
You understand?
Children...possess it.
l want you to find them
and take the diary.
lf they do not cooperate...
...you will kill them.
Gentlemen, l'd just like to say three words:
Scary German Guy.
Who else are we
gonna get to translate this thing?
Come on.
Somebody go up and knock.
You knock.
You're our leader.
Firstly, he's scary, okay?
And ''B,'' he's German.
Maybe he doesn't even speak English.
Okay, so what's German for...
''Please don't murder us''?
Bitte, moerden-zie uns nicht.
time is almost up.
lt's your last chance for pie.
- Thanks, Mister, uh, guy.
- Now, here we go.
- l mean...
- No, thanks.
So? Ja?
Now, where were we?
''The amulet itself is fairly small
and carved with intricate symbols.''
Rather an odd-looking thing,
don't you think?
Scary German Guy's bitchin'.
Sir, the thing l don't understand is
the part about the equilibrium.
Well, according to this rather curious book
you have brought me,
''The forces of good and evil--''
That is a B-1 7,
in case you are wondering.
lt's rad!
''Good and evil are in constant flux,
back and forth.
Only once, every hundred years,
are these forces balanced.''
And what about the amulet?
The amulet, so nearly as l can translate,
is ''concentrated good.''
''lt is a talisman
which wards off evil and is...''
how you say, ''indestructible''?
That means it can't be destroyed.
Or, in any case, normally destroyed.
However, and this part is underlined...
''Once every hundred years,
at the stoke of midnight,
''the amulet becomes vulnerable,
and at that moment, it can be shattered.''
And if it is?
Then the balance between good and evil
will shift, and evil will rule.
However, our friend Mr. Van Helsing
claims there is a way
to stop the forces of darkness.
''lf one could gain possession
of the amulet before those forces...
''...then every hundred years, at midnight,
''there is another option:
''a ceremony which,
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