You were certainly thinking of him. - No. And also I was thinking how beautiful Anisya was. I know that I shall never be as happy as I am now. Nonsense, gibberish, folly. What a treasure my Natasha is! I have no other friend like her and I'll never have. Why does she have to marry? We could have gone like this forever. What a treasure my Nikolai is. Oh, if he'd only come back sooner. I'm afraid we'll never get married. Worst of all, I'm getting older... I shall no longer be what I am now. But what if he comes today? Perhaps he came yesterday, and I've forgotten it? What am I to do with them? Oh yes, Nikita, will you please go and... Where am I to send him? Yes, will you please go to the yard and bring me a rooster? Nastasya Ivanovna, what shall I give birth to? You? Fleas. Dragon-flies, grasshoppers. Oh, my God, the same old thing. Where am I to go? What am I to do with myself? The Island of Mad-a-gas-car. Mad-a-gas-car. Madagascar. Do you feel sometimes that nothing is going to happen to you anymore, that everything good had already happened, and you feel not so much bored, as sad? Oh yes, very often! I remember moments, when everybody around is cheerful, it suddenly strikes me that I'm sick of it all, and all must die. I didn't go to a squadron party once, and there the music was playing, and I felt all at once so dreary. I know it. I know it. Even when I was quite little, I used to have that feeling. Do you remember, I was punished once for eating some plums, and you were all dancing, and I sat in the study sobbing? I shall never forget it. I felt so miserable and sorry for everyone. And what's most important, I wasn't to blame. I remember that I came to you later and I longed to comfort you. We used to be so funny. I had a dummy toy then, and I wanted to give it to you. - Do you remember it, Sonya? - Yes, I do remember something. How strange it is, as though it were a dream. I like that. And do you remember how Papa, in his blue fur coat, fired a gun off on the porch? Do you remember what fun it was? - They've brought a rooster, Miss. - Tell them to take it back. I think that when one goes on remembering and remembering, one remembers till one recalls what happened before one was in this world. That's metempsychosis. The Egyptians used to believe that our souls had been in animals, and would go into animals again. I don't believe we were once in animals, but I know for certain that we were once angels somewhere, and we have been here, and that's why we remember everything. If we had been angels, why should we have fallen lower? Not lower. Who told you we were lower? This is how I know I have existed before. The soul is immortal, you know. If I'm to live forever, that means I have lived for all eternity. But it's hard for us to conceive of eternity. Why is it hard? There's today, there will be tomorrow, and there will be forever, and yesterday has been, and the day before. The mummers are here! - Natasha! - Did you see? Did you see him? Yes. - Wait, I... saw him. - Standing or lying down? At first there wasn't anything. Then suddenly, I saw him lying down. - Lying down? Could he be ill? - No. His face was cheerful. What happened then, Sonya? I couldn't make it out. I saw something blue and red. When is he going to come back? When shall I see him again? I'm so afraid for him, and for myself, and about everything else... Prince Andrei wants his year reduced by three months. So write him and tell him to wait till I'm dead. It won't take long. Go ahead, marry, dear son. What a fine alliance! Smart people, eh? And rich, eh? And what a stepmother he's going to give poor Nikolushka! Let him marry tomorrow if he wants! And I'll marry our governess! He mustn't be without a stepmother, either! But I'm not going to put up with any more women in my house! Would you like to live with him, too? Bon
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