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remember
his own name, let alone yours.
Then you promise to find
a new line of work for yourself...
...with a lot less responsibility,
okay?
Yes, sir. Thank you.
The world is a shithole...
...full of shitty little scumbags
who are scared shitless.
- With dedication...
- You think he's a little anal?
I think he's right.
Now, this badge
will lift you out of that scum...
...into a $12-billion-a-year industry.
My name is Captain O'Connell...
...and I welcome you
to the world of private security.
Any questions?
Yeah?
You mean we're gonna actually earn
$12 billion a year?
No, you're gonna earn
$4.60 an hour.
Which is starting pay for everyone...
...regardless of age, sex,
race, color or intelligence.
- You work 10 hours, you make $46.
- Now let me get this straight.
If you wanted to work, say,
3 billion hours...
...I could roughly pull in
over $12 billion...
...if I was eager enough
and put the time in?
- Any more questions?
- Yes.
Where it says "name"--?
Look. Here on the application.
Do I put my name?
- Yeah.
- Oh, thank you, sir.
Where it says "police record,"
does that mean felonies...
- ...or misdemeanors?
- Both.
Can I write on the back?
I don't think I'm gonna have room.
We got lots of extra paper
if you need it.
You all had a chance to read the
booklet "Careers in Private Security."
You look like a guy who
defended me on an assault charge.
Oh, really? Did you get off?
- I got three years.
- There are two functions...
- No, wasn't me.
- ...for a security guard.
Excuse me, I'm gonna stand up
and stretch the old legs.
But no matter what you do...
...your primary responsibility
is always the same:
To observe and report.
But should you witness
a crime or violation...
Interesting group of people.
- Yeah, to Freud, maybe.
- However...
- ...you can detain somebody...
- Norman Kane.
- ...and use force if necessary...
- Frank Dooley.
...until the police arrive.
Any questions?
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
Let's say somebody lying, right?
And you know they lying.
- Can you shoot them?
- Well, it depends.
- Use your own judgment.
- Thank you.
- I appreciate that.
- Other questions?
Yes, I have a question
concerning our powers of arrest.
The statutes governing
citizen's arrest really aren't very clear.
Will we be indemnified
by the company against lawsuits...
...or prosecution resulting
from wrongful arrest complaints?
What are you, a lawyer?
No. No.
No. No, what I mean to say is...
...if I detain a shoplifter,
and he turns out to be innocent...
...and he sues me
for a million dollars...
- ...what happens?
- What happens?
You spend the rest of your life
paying for it.
And you die miserable and broke.
So don't screw up.
- Thank you.
- Now...
- ...the fee for the course is $51.50.
- Don't worry.
I'm an ex-cop. You stick with me,
I'll keep you out of trouble.
Which you can pay now, or we can
deduct it from your first paycheck.
In addition, as licensed
security guards...
...you'll be required to join a union.
The International Alliance
of Special Police and Guards.
These are your union
representatives.
Mr. Klepper...
...and Mr. Lazarus.
Thank you, Clarence.
The initiation fee is $30,
payable now.
Now, if you can't pay, don't worry.
We'll deduct it
from your first paycheck.
Thereafter, the weekly dues
will be $15...
...and will be deducted automatically.
The forms are in front of you
on the desk.
Sign them and pass them forward.
Any questions?
Yes, I have a question.
Minor point.
What if we don't wanna join?
This is a union shop.
You wanna work, you join.
Well, I don't wanna speak
out of school, but $15 a week...
...to me, seems excessive.
Now, where does this money go?
Well, that money goes
to your pension and welfare fund.
And when are the benefits paid?
When you're 65.
- Sixty-five?
- Hey.
What's with all the questions?
This is your union.
It's for your own protection.
So shut up
and sign the fucking

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