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suspend sentence.
What about kidnapping
and extortion?
He didn't mean it, Your Honour.
You call that plea-bargaining?
Where the hell
did you go to law school?
I just feel that a long prison sentence
is not warranted in this case.
The police found rugs in his
apartment made out of human hair.
Well, bad taste is not a crime,
Your Honour...
...last time I checked
the statutes.
Your Honour, I feel this whole thing
falls under a sociopsychological...
...you know, kind of umbrella.
I sincerely feel that the facts are
completely irrelevant in this case.
Let me put it this way. He says
if he goes to jail, he's gonna kill me.
I don't usually believe
every psychopath I defend...
...but I believe this guy.
Mr. Kane, you are without a doubt
one of the worst lawyers I've ever seen.
Then I move for a mistrial.
- Shut up.
- Yes, sir.
Furthermore, it's obvious to me...
...that you're having
some sort of a breakdown.
So this is what I suggest:
You plead your client guilty
on all counts...
...and I'll give him a sentence
so long...
...he won't even remember
his own name, let alone yours.
Then you promise to find
a new line of work for yourself...
...with a lot less responsibility,
Yes, sir. Thank you.
The world is a shithole...
...full of shitty little scumbags
who are scared shitless.
- With dedication...
- You think he's a little anal?
I think he's right.
Now, this badge
will lift you out of that scum...
...into a $12-billion-a-year industry.
My name is Captain O'Connell...
...and I welcome you
to the world of private security.
Any questions?
You mean we're gonna actually earn
$12 billion a year?
No, you're gonna earn
$4.60 an hour.
Which is starting pay for everyone...
...regardless of age, sex,
race, colour or intelligence.
- You work 10 hours, you make $46.
- Now let me get this straight.
If you wanted to work, say,
3 billion hours...
...I could roughly pull in
over $12 billion...
...if I was eager enough
and put the time in?
- Any more questions?
- Yes.
Where it says "name"...?
Look. Here on the application.
Do I put my name?
- Yeah.
- Oh, thank you, sir.
Where it says "police record,"
does that mean felonies...
...or misdemeanours?
- Both.
Can I write on the back?
I don't think I'm gonna have room.
We got lots of extra paper
if you need it.
You all had a chance to read the
booklet "Careers in Private Security."
You look like a guy who
defended me on an assault charge.
Oh, really? Did you get off?
- I got three years.
- There are two functions...
- No, wasn't me.
...for a security guard.
Excuse me, I'm gonna stand up
and stretch the old legs.
But no matter what you do...
...your primary responsibility
is always the same:
To observe and report.
But should you witness
a crime or violation...
Interesting group of people.
- Yeah, to Freud, maybe.
- However...
...you can detain somebody...
- Norman Kane.
...and use force if necessary...
- Frank Dooley.
...until the police arrive.
Any questions?
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
Let's say somebody lying, right?
And you know they lying.
- Can you shoot them?
- Well, it depends.
- Use your own judgment.
- Thank you.
- I appreciate that.
- Other questions?
Yes, I have a question
concerning our powers of arrest.
The statutes governing
citizen's arrest really aren't very clear.
Will we be indemnified
by the company against lawsuits...
...or prosecution resulting
from wrongful arrest complaints?
What are you, a lawyer?
No. No.
No. No, what I mean to say is...
...if I detain a shoplifter,
and he turns out to be innocent...
...and he sues me
for a million dollars...
...what happens?
- What happens?
You spend the rest of your life
paying for it.
And you die miserable and broke.
So don't screw up.
- Thank you.
- Now...
...the fee for the course is $51.50.
- Don't worry.
I'm an ex-cop. You stick with me,
I'll keep you out of trouble.
Which you can pay now, or
Вооружён и опасен Вооружён и опасен

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