a mighty fool into the bargain.
But what will you do alone in London?
I have a friend. He has taken lodgings
for me in Curzon Street.
Cousin.
He's a dear, kind man,
and a peer of the realm.
You can stay with me.
- May I?
- Come on.
- But your friend.
- He is away for a few days.
When he returns
we will make other arrangements.
Now get in, Cousin,
and tell me about yourself.
Landlady, two rooms, please.
And perhaps you'd find this lady a gown.
She's been involved in an accident
and deprived of her clothes.
Take us to our rooms at once.
Heroes - whatever high ideals we may
have of them - are mortal, not divine.
We are all as God made us,
and many of us much worse.
- All right, all right, I'm coming.
- (banging on gate)
I'm coming, I said!
- Where's me wife?
- Who?
Me wife! Mrs Fitzpatrick.
I have come a distance to fetch her.
- There's no Mrs Fitzpatrick here.
- I know she's here! I know it.
Where is that serpent-toothed siren?!
Who's here, girl? Tell me, and I'll make
you the richest poor woman in the nation.
There's only a gentleman - Mr Jones.
- No lady?
- He has a Mrs Waters with him.
Waters! I'll bet she's usin' a false name!
That cunning wench! By the waters
of the Babylon I shall lay me down...
I'll bet she's lying down beside Mr Jones!
Show me her room!
Now where is she?
Where is that painted Delilah?!
- Down the end there.
- Mrs Fitzpatrick!
- Come on, Mrs Fitzpatrick!
- My husband!
- Your husband?!
- Do you think I don't know his voice?
Discovered, you whore!
Aaargh! Rape! Murder! Rape!
- What is it, lassie?
- A rape's going on down there!
Rape?!
Rape! Murder! Murder!
What is all this?!
Mr MacLachlan, dear friend!
I rejoice to see you here.
- This villain has debauched my wife!
- Your wife? What wife?
Do I not know Mrs Fitzpatrick very well?
And can I not see that the lady in bed with
this gentleman is not your wife at all?!
Rape! Rape! Rape! Rape! Rape!
Girl, what's this hullabaloo?
'Tis Tom Jones, madam,
in bed with Mrs Waters
and discovered by her husband -
an Irish gentleman, madam.
Forgive me - did you say Tom Jones?
Yes, madam - in bed
with that trull Mrs Waters.
Betrayed!
Ma'am, pray forgive
my dastardly intrusion. I...
What the devil is this disturbance?
I thought myself in a respectable inn,
but I see now it's a bawdyhouse!
I have made a mistake.
I was looking for me wife.
These villains burst into me room!
I heartily ask your pardon, ma'am.
I thought you was me wife.
Though I see no reason for a gentleman
to be in a lady's bed in his shirt.
I heard her screams
and ran in from the adjoining chamber.
Adjoining chamber!
It seems I have prevented
the lady being robbed.
- Robbed!
- Robbed? I'll have your blood for that!
- You wild Irishman!
- Rape!
Come on, Sophie, dear. We must fly
before Fitzpatrick discovers me.
Oh, come, pull yourself together, Coz.
We've got a long ride ahead of us.
(shouting)
Help!
(man bellows)
(shouting outside)
(dogs barking)
Sophie...
(footsteps above)
Ah, got you, you fox!
Well, the vixen can't be far away!
Goodbye, madam.
I regret I must take my leave of you.
Odds bodikins! After him!
After him! Damnation! After him!
- Oh! There he is!
- Miss Western!
Brother!
(loud bangs / bells ringing)
Don't be dismayed, sir. She will soon
be tired and will stop in some inn.
- She's bound for London, I'm sure.
- (Western) Ah, damn the girl.
I'm lamenting the loss
of such a fine morning for huntin'.
It's confounded hard to lose one
of the finest scentin' days of the season.
(hunting horns)
Whoa!
Ha!
- Come on, Miss Slouch!
- What are you doing?
Oh!
Dobson, drive on.
Get up, there! Get up!
Stand... and deliver!
Whoa!
- What did you say, sir?
- Stand and deliver!
Deliver? I am no travelling midwife, sir.
Deliver what?
Stand...
I will not stand for you, sir -
no,