friends
had a backache.
His jacket had a metal zipper,
so he stuck to me like glue.
We dated for a whole week.
When they pulled us apart,
his backache came back.
His wife's so dumb,
she can't see it.
-I need a break.
-You don't believe me?
Come here, I'll show you.
You don't believe me?
Do you now?
Still don't?
I do, I do.
Limpdick!
Your wife's on the line.
I'm in a meeting.
Sure, I'll be home.
Soon, yes.
Switch it off.
Let’s run away!
Okay.
Chief, just a minute.
I don't understand.
Why won't you let me confess?
-I'm feeling tolerant.
-Okay, but the problem is...
Misha did nothing.
I robbed the lady.
-You wrote the note?
-Of course!
Let’s have it, sweetie-pie.
-You stay out of this.
-Out of what?
There's nothing to stay out of.
Read this, come on!
Let’s sit down.
Look!
The lady's happy.
-Beat it, boy!
-She's happy!
She's on cloud nine!
"I'll drop all charges."
Don't ask me how I did it.
Honeybun!
-Home-made...
-My angel of the kitchen!
-...with cabbage.
-What a woman!
Don't ask me how
I talked her over.
It’s my trade secret.
Let’s just say...
I gave my body to the cause...
like a kamikaze.
-Was she good?
-Dynamite! A tidal wave!
I only just survived.
Have a meatball.
Listen...
maybe I could
try my luck with her.
What? You think she brought
the piroshkis for me?
She has the hots for you,
I swear. She told me!
Pardon me.
May I be excused?
Buzz off, Krapivin.
Don't disturb us!
-Be back in two hours.
-I won't be long.
Go for it, Chief.
Get in there.
To the bride and groom!
Get this out of my sight.
Want me to fix him,
Mr. Borodin?
Don't move.
Tania, just a second.
Just a sec.
I'll catch up.
What’s up?
Hands up!
It’s Borzov's gun.
Hide it.
Swap it for your
signed confession.
Are you raving mad?
Listen!
They're gonna clobber you.
Go on, Tania! I'm coming!
They're gonna put you
in jail, okay?
And the jerk will get Tania!
We're outnumbered by
patrons and bigshots.
Are you listening?
Wake up!
They're stealing your woman!
-I see.
-Good, now go.
I'm off for a drink
to celebrate your wedding.
It’s a God-given duty!
His uniform fits
his body so well
It makes my heart
jump In my breast
The glittering braid
on his lapel
The medal that shines
on his manly chest
Oh, what a trick
for Fate to play
Bringing him into
my life that day!
-Thank you!
-What for?
Releasing the bridegroom.
Nobody's released anybody.
Accordionist! You know that
Spanish thing, like "Carmen"?
-Yes.
-Play it.
-I know it too.
-Sing it.
Kiss me
Kiss me harder
You sing okay. Go on.
-What?
-Keep going!
For us, there's only one night left
And the stars for the poet
I first heard this song in Bulgaria
on a nudist beach.
I was able to observe
certain anatomical features.
It comes as a shock.
But then you get used to it.
I would never let a woman
of your quality...
be exposed to such a beach.
Why not?
In the right company,
I wouldn't mind.
As we are, I can only guess
the shape of your body.
But as an investigator...
-Yes?
-As an investigator...
As an investigator, would you
rather jail me... or impale me?
Would you carry me
to the ends of the earth?
There and back.
And every station in between!
Could I have a word?
I'll leave you to it.
What’s up?
Can't bring yourself to leave?
To and fro, to and fro,
like a shuttle bus?
You're drunk already?
Yes, I allowed myself
a snifter.
Does Russian Coal
have a law against it?
Stop it. Come here.
About this business
with the bridegroom.
Armed robbery, was it?
Yes. I was just
working on the victim.
So when are you going
to arrest him?
Hungry for it, are we?
So hungry we can hardly wait!
-Hungry, hungry!
-Cut it out.
Can't do it without Borzov,
can we?
Without Borzov, it’s dangerous!
Fuck you! I don't need you.
"Besame Mucho"!
Just my little joke.
I'll see to it.
Mr. Borodin,
it’s your father-in-law.
Yes, I'm coming!
What a silly boy you are!
You really are.