the kids here a bit
while I go look for him?
Sure, I'll go with you.
- Dave, will you take care of the kids?
- OK.
I'll be right back.
All right, Mommy.
We'll find him. Tell me more about
what that fink said in the gallery.
Fred! Fred!
- Did you see what I saw?
- Found him?
No, back at Charmaine's.
Oh, my God.
You see, Ed hated tennis,
but he never said a word.
All he wanted to do was to please me.
Well, I want to please him now,
and, boy, am I ever going to.
You see, we spent this weekend
at this beautiful little inn in Vermont.
Just Ed and me, you know,
talking things through.
The Park Merrill with some friends,
the Fishers,
and we had the most terrific time.
I can't get my mind operating.
Besides, I'm just swamped with work.
- Work?
- Oh, yes. I fired Nettie.
Yeah, it was...
It was just the being alone with Ed
that did it.
All I ever thought about before
was just me.
Well,
I'm here to tell you
that's all over now.
Ed's always hankered
after a heated swimming pool.
And now he's going to get it.
Look, I've been doing
a little research, OK?
And a lot of thinking.
And I know what I'm gonna say
is gonna sound crazy,
but if you laugh at it,
I swear to God I'm gonna be sick.
OK, you remember hearing about
the Texas tranquilliser?
It was in TIME. I cut it out.
Wait a second. Sit down.
Issue dated October 4th, 1971.
'71, right.
It's about why there are
almost no murders in El Paso.
See, this scientist has this theory
that there's something that
comes from the water in El Paso.
It comes from deep wells,
and it's got some chemical tranquilliser
in it and... Well, read.
See?
Dallas is over two times as big
as El Paso,
but that year, there were 242 murders
in Dallas.
And there were only 13 in El Paso.
Joanna. Joanna, I think
that's what's going on in Stepford.
I think there's something in the water
that turns us into hausfraus, drones,
whatever you want to call it.
Charmaine's changed,
Carol Van Sant's changed,
and so have all those other
women's club members.
Well, I...
I suppose it's possible.
It can't all be coincidence.
Look at all those places.
Electronics, computers,
aerospace junk.
And labs. Who knows what?
They must all be dumping
their chemical garbage
in the Stepford River,
and it could be making
its way to us.
Listen, the 6:00 news
scares me every night.
I don't see what's so far-out
about my theory.
All right. Why don't we write
the state environmental agency
and have them check
the water in the reservoir.
Governmental agencies.
I've worked for them, Joanna.
And I mean, if they're way above
average or any good at all,
they'll manage to lose a letter
if you send it to them.
They teach courses in misfiling
at those places.
You know what I think
we ought to do?
I think we ought to take a sample
of the water ourselves
and then get it
to a trustworthy chemist.
Trouble is,
I don't know anybody except...
...you know, guys at that
stinking Men's Association.
I lost my virginity
to a trustworthy chemist.
No kidding.
Did he do it on Blue Cross?
- His name was Raymond Chandler.
- Oh, gosh.
And we had a gag, a sort of stupid,
private thing going.
I used to ask him
why he didn't talk like he wrote.
He wasn't a bit hard-boiled,
and he hated any sort of violence.
But I kept it going.
Some nights I wouldn't let
him touch me
until he told me the plot
of his next novel.
Which was, of course,
The Big Sleep.
Sometimes it nearly drove him crazy.
Isn't it funny the things you do
when you're in love?
We were both seniors at NYU,
and it wasn't just passion. It was love.
Why didn't you marry him?
I don't know.
Maybe we took the joke too far.
Maybe the fun went out of it.
I thought Walter was going
to become Perry Mason.
So it was Farewell, My Lovely.
Did you ever see that?
Anyway, I think if I look
in the phone book
and this guy is still in New York,
then he's our man.
- Are you out of your mind?
-