any of this sinking in?
You're dead.
D-e-d. Dead.
I guess five years
feeding earthworms...
has eaten what little brain
there was in there.
What are you?
Allow me
to kick-start your memory.
Hang on. These flashbacks
can be killers.
You're the dead man.
See you in Hell, Al.
This is the bargain.
If you lead my army,
you can see Wanda again.
What is your answer?
I will lead your army!
Anything for Wanda!
If you fail me, you will die.
Avenge your murder.
Kill Jason Wynn.
Malebolgia spent five years
preparing the Earth...
for your arrival, mister.
A little death,
a little destruction...
perfect marriage.
Speaking of marriage...
guess who's not
your fiancйe anymore.
And the winners
are Wanda and Terry.
Multiplying like rabbits.
And humpin' and porkin'...
and doin' it and likin' it.
You stay away from her.
I don't want Wanda.
I want you
to take care of Wynn.
Then you and the army
can kick some angelic buttocks.
And in return
for your services,
we'll get Wanda back for you.
You could have
every Wanda on the planet.
Why settle for leftovers?
I love this guy.
You kill me.
Go ahead, stud.
This is all
some sadistic game of Wynn's.
And when I catch him...
he'll wish he had killed me
when he had the chance.
That's it!
That's the spirit.
Just think of me
as your guardian angel.
The clown from Hell.
You're Jimmy Stewart,
and I'm Clarence.
"Uh, well, well,
every time somebody farts,
a demon gets his wings."
Oops, twins.
Get away from me,
you fudge-packing midget!
You still don't get it,
do you, Amnesia Boy?
We'll have to dig
a little deeper.
What is this?
This is where old folks
go after Florida, son.
What is that you say?
Can I dig up my body now?
Why, certainly.
Of course you can.
If you strike oil,
half of it is mine.
Start digging.
Hail, Satan, lord of all
that we can see.
In the name of Luther,
Bialy, and Levinson,
I command thee to appear!
Told you we need
a bigger pentagram.
How about we get back to
that sacrifice-a-virgin idea?
I like that!
You know what I need here, man?
A fresh skull, man!
Yeah, you.
- Get away!
- Fresh!
Every time you go out there,
you come back
a little bit more dead inside.
Oh, come on.
You scream like a girl.
Do it like this.
Someone's a little angry
'cause they died and went to...
Hello, my mutant,
hello, my carcass,
hello, my bug-infested corpse.
Did, like, Satan send you guys?
God hogs up
all the good followers,
and we get all the retards.
What's up with that face?
Get your hands off me!
Help.
What is that?
Shocked and amazed
at the wonders of necroflesh?
You're not alone.
For a limited time only,
you, too, can have
this handsome epidermis...
for the eensy price of your soul
and a buttload of pain.
- Let's get out of here!
- Oh, my God!
I hate weekend Satanists,
don't you?
Look at you.
From spawn larva to full-fledged
Hellspawn in record time.
What... is this?
You were tied to the tracks,
and that stupid train just kept
running over you, didn't it?
Running over you.
In the name of the people
and things of Hell,
I dub thee...
Spawn, general of Hell's army.
Arise, Your Crispness!
Arise, Duke of Deep-Fried!
Sultan of Sizzling!
Emir of Ooey-Gooey!
So I suck as a clown.
Bite me.
Do your job, I'll be the first
to kiss your black butt,
but if you can't hack it,
I'll Fed Ex
your worthless carcass...
back to the frying pan,
where Malebolgia will be
waiting for us.
You'll wake up the dead.
That's you.
Dead people can still die.
All I got to do
is cut off your head.
Oh, God.
Did you have
to use the "G" word?
Wanda...
What have I done?
You done
with this Hallmark moment?
I can't take any more of this
sentimental crap. Come on.
I'll come back
when your armor hardens.
Don't play with it.
You'll go blind.
I have a few more details
to attend to,
and then we can play.
Yuck!
I hate anchovies.
That tastes so good,
I could kick some puppies!
This freak