You are a grown-up girl, but you go on
putting all sorts of nasty things
into your mouth, like a child.
Remember: neither me, nor doctor Bormenthal
will bother ourselves with you...
...when you go down
with a stomach ache.
So, you've come to?
Let's go see the patients.
Shut up.
An old patient.
Good afternoon, Professor.
- Gracious me, I wouldn't have
recognized you, my good man.
- You are a magician, a wizard, Professor.
- How have you been sleeping?
- Are we alone, Professor?
Incredible. Parole d'honeur, I haven't
known anything like that for 25 years.
Believe it or not...
...every night I dream of naked
girls - hordes of them.
Take off your pants.
Oh, Professor, if only you had discovered
a way of rejuvenating hair too!
One thing at a time, my dear,
one thing at a time.
Look here, you shouldn't overdo it,
you know.
I don't. Only as a sort of experiment,
dear Professor.
Well, and what were the results?
Oh! Swear to God, I haven't known
anything like that for 25 years.
The last time was in 1899
in Paris on the Rue de la Paix.
Excellent. Everything
is in great shape.
I admit, I never expected
such results.
Streams of blood and song galore...
And to the one who's
most enchanting...
One, two, three.
- You need not come for another
check-up for two weeks. - Thank you.
The age is not filled in correctly.
It is probably between 54 and 55.
Heartbeat's muffled.
- Do come in.
- Good afternoon, Professor.
- How old are you, madam?
- Oh, Professor...
Professor, I swear that if you knew
the agony I've been going through..!
- Your age, madam?
- Upon my honour...
Well, I am 45.
Madam, there are people waiting.
Please don't waste my time.
You're not my only patient, you know.
I will tell you and you only
as a luminary of science.
- How old are you, madam?
- That is just awful. I am 51.
Take off your knickers. This way.
It is such agony, Professor.
It is so appalling.
I am at a loss what to do.
Help me, Professor.
Not too moral a flat.
But what comfort.
What the hell can he want me for?
Will he let me live here?
What an eccentric.
He could get a pedigreed dog
at the drop of a hat.
And what if I am good-looking?
I must be lucky.
But that owl is trash.
Get dressed.
I swear, Professor, this boy Morits...
He is my only passion.
He cheats at cards. He is notorious
throughout Moscow.
He can't resist a single
disgusting little salesgirl.
But he is so devilishly young!
I will implant the ovaries of
a monkey into your body, madam.
What? Not a monkey, surely,
Professor?
Yes.
When is the operation?
...from Seville to Granada...
in the still of the night...
Monday. You will go into the clinic in the
morning, my assistant will prepare you.
No, I don't want to go into the hospital.
Can't you do it here, Professor?
lmpossible. You see, I operate
at home only in extreme cases.
It will be too expensive.
500 roubles.
- That is all right.
- Settled.
Good bye, Professor.
Is there anyone here
besides the tenants?
- No.
- Where is the Professor?
Over there.
- Have you come to see me?
- Don't worry, comrade.
We've come to see you, Professor,
on a matter of business.
You, my good sirs, are most unwise
to be going around without galoshes.
In the first place you'll catch cold.
In the second you've left dirty
footprints all over my carpets
and all my carpets are Persian.
- In the first place, we are not
your good sirs. - In the first place,
are you a man or a woman?
- What difference does it make, comrade?
- I am a woman.
In that case you may
keep your cap on.
As for you, dear sir,
be so kind and take yours off.
Don't "dear sir" me.
- We've come to see you Professor
on a matter of business. - Who are we?
We are the new House Management
Committee of this block.
I am Shvonder, her name
is Viazemskaya.
Comrade Pestrukhin and
comrade Zharovkin.
- It was you they settled into
Fyodor Pavlovich Sablin's flat? - Us.
Ah, God, this house