Two men are armed with revolvers.
They are terrorizing me!
Pardon... Professor...
I cannot work under such conditions
and have no right to.
O I shall cease my activities,
lock up my flat, and go to Sochi.
I can leave the keys with Shvonder.
Let him operate.
But on one condition.
I don't care who, where or what,
...provided it's the sort of paper
that would keep Shvonder...
...or whoever from even approaching
the door of my apartment!
The ultimate in certificates.
Factual!
Real! A true protection!
I don't want my name even mentioned!
As far as they are concerned, I am dead.
Hand the receiver to Shvonder.
Would you mind, you're wanted
on the telephone.
Hello. Yes... I'm Shvonder, the chairman
of the House Management Committee.
Yes. We were only acting according
to the regulations... I understand.
The Professor has quite
exceptional privileges anyway.
We know about his work.
We were going to leave him
no less than five rooms...
This is a disgrace.
If there were a discussion now I would
prove to this Pyotr Alexandrovitch...
Pardon me, do you wish to open
a discussion right now?
I can understand your irony,
Professor.
We will leave now. Till, as chairman of
the cultural department of this house I...
- Chairwoman.
- Chairwoman.
...I suggest that you buy some of these
magazines sold for the benefit
of the children of Germany.
- Fifty kopecks a copy.
- No. I will not.
- But why not?
- I don't want to.
- You have no sympathy for the children
of Germany? - I do have sympathy.
- You grudge fifty kopecks?
- No.
- Why then?
- I don't want them.
You know, Professor, if you were not
a luminary known throughout Europe...
...if you hadn't been interceded for by
certain people in the most disgraceful way...
...you should be arrested.
- What for?
- You don't like the proletariat.
- No, I don't like the proletariat.
Zina, dear, do please, serve the supper.
With your permission, ladies and gentlemen?
Doctor Bormenthal, pray, leave
the caviar alone, will you.
I'd like to give you a piece of sound
advice, pour yourself some Russian vodka...
...instead of the English vodka.
- With the blessing of the state?
How could you, my dear fellow.
Darya Petrovna prepares excellent
homemade vodka herself.
I wouldn't say that,
Philip Philipovich...
...everybody says that the new vodka
is quite good, 30 proof.
Vodka should be at least 40 proof,
not 30, that's number one.
And number two, one can never tell
what muck they put into it nowadays.
- Can you tell me what may occur to them?
- Anything.
That's just what I think.
And now, Ivan Arnoldovitch,
gulp this little bit at once.
And if you tell me you don't like it,
you are my sworn enemy for life.
You don't like it? You don't?
Answer me, dear Doctor.
- It's excellent. - I should think so. Mind
you, Ivan Arnoldovitch, that the only people,
...who take vodka with cold collations and
soup are a few remaining landlords whom
the bolshevists didn't have time to murder.
Anybody with a spark of self-respect
takes his hors d'oeuvres hot.
And of all the hot hors d'oeuvres
in Moscow, this is the best one.
Once they used to do them magnificently
in "Iaviansky Bazar".
There, take it.
If you feed a dog at table, afterward you
won't get him out of here for love or money.
I don't mind.
The poor thing's starved.
Food, Ivan Arnoldovitch, is a subtle
thing. One must know how to eat.
And yet just think of it that most people
don't know how to eat at all.
One must not only know what to eat, but
when and how, and what to say while eating.
If you care about your digestion,
my advice is:
...don't talk about Bolshevism
or medicine at table.
And, God forbid - never read soviet
newspapers before dinner.
- But there are no other newspapers.
- O don't read any at all.
I once made thirty tests in my clinic.
And guess what?
Those of my patients whom
I forced to read "Pravda"...
...lost weight.
And to top it off they