VVORD.RU . , .


1   2   3   4   5   6   7   8   9   10   11   12   13   14   15   16   17   18   19   20   21   22   23   24   25   26   27   28   29   30   31   32   33   34   35   36   37   38   39   40   41   42   43   44   45   46   47   48   49   50   51   52   53   54   55   56   57   58   59   60   61   62   63   64   65   66   67  
I will implant the ovaries of
a monkey into your body, madam.
What? Not a monkey, surely,
When is the operation?
...from Seville to Granada...
in the still of the night...
Monday. You will go into the clinic in the
morning, my assistant will prepare you.
No, I don't want to go into the hospital.
Can't you do it here, Professor?
Impossible. You see, I operate
at home only in extreme cases.
It will be too expensive.
500 roubles.
- That is all right.
- Ettled.
Good bye, Professor.
Is there anyone here
besides the tenants?
- No.
- Where is the Professor?
Over there.
- Have you come to see me?
- Don't worry, comrade.
We've come to see you, Professor,
on a matter of business.
You, my good sirs, are most unwise
to be going around without galoshes.
In the first place you'll catch cold.
In the second you've left dirty
footprints all over my carpets
and all my carpets are Persian.
- In the first place, we are not
your good sirs. - In the first place,
are you a man or a woman?
- What difference does it make, comrade?
- I am a woman.
In that case you may
keep your cap on.
As for you, dear sir,
be so kind and take yours off.
Don't "dear sir" me.
- We've come to see you Professor
on a matter of business. - Who are we?
We are the new House Management
Committee of this block.
I am Shvonder, her name
is Viazemskaya.
Comrade Pestrukhin and
comrade Zharovkin.
- It was you they settled into
Fyodor Pavlovitch amblings flat? - Us.
Ah, God, this house is finished. What's
going to happen to the steam heating?
- Are you making fun of us, Professor?
- Far from it...
o, what brings you here?
Be brief, it's my dinner time.
We've come to see you Professor
for the following reason.
We, the House Committee, have come to see
you after a general meeting of the tenants...
...of this block, at which the question
of the reallocation of living space stood...
Who stood on whom?
Be so good as to express
yourself more clearly.
The question of the reallocation
of living space stood on the agenda.
Do you realize, that
under the regulation...
...of April twelfth 1924...
...my flat is exempt from any and
every reallocation and resettlement?
We know that. But when the general meeting
after due consideration of the question...
...came to the conclusion that, by
and large, you occupy too much space.
- Far too much.
- You live alone in seven rooms!
I live and work in seven rooms.
And I should very much like an eighth.
I need a room for a library.
- An eighth? That's cool.
- Incredible.
Excuse me, Professor, but the general
meeting of the tenants
of this block requests you...
...as a matter of labor discipline...
...to give up your dining
room voluntarily.
- No one in Moscow has dining rooms.
- Not even Isadora Duncan.
And also that you should give up the
consulting room. Your study can double
perfectly well as a consulting room.
- Quite so.
- Is that right, comrades?
Where am I supposed
to partake of food?
In the bedroom.
I expect that is what
Isadora Duncan does.
Perhaps she dines in her study and
dissects rabbits in her bathroom.
Perhaps. But I am not Isadora Duncan.
I will dine in the dining room and
operate in the operating theatre.
Pray inform the general meeting of this.
And meanwhile kindly allow me...
...to take supper where
all normal people do so.
And not in the hall and
not in the nursery!
In that case, Professor,
in view of your stubborn resistance...
...we shall complain about you
to higher authorities.
Just a moment. Please, wait a minute.
Put me through to Pyotr Alexandrovitch.
Professor Preobrazhensky.
Pyotr Alexandrovitch? I am glad I was
able to reach you. Thank you, I am well.
Pyotr Alexandrovitch,
your operation is cancelled.
And so are all my other operations.
I am giving up my practice in Moscow
and in Russia in general.
Four people have just come in to see me.
One of whom is a woman dressed as a man.

- 5

© 2010-2024 VVORD.RU