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Who was born in this flat.
Goddammit, l've never heard
anything so idiotic in my life.
He wasn't born at all, he simply...
well, he sort of...
That's your problem. lt's up to you
to decide whether he was born or not.
All in all you were conducting
an experiment, Professor.
- And you are the creator of citizen
harikov. - As simple as that.
Kindly keep out of the conversation.
You have no grounds for saying
lt was simple... lt's very far from simple.
Why should l keep out
of the conversation.
l'm sorry, Professor, but Citizen
harikov is absolutely right.
- He has the right to take part
in the discussion of his own future.
- Well, all right.
The bearer is a human being created in
the course of a laboratory experiment...
by means of an operation on the brain.
He requires identity papers.
Dammit! l object in principle
to obtaining these idiotic documents.
igned: 'Professor Preobrazhensky.
Rather curious, Professor, that you
should call documents idiotic?
l can't allow an undocumented tenant
to go on living in this house.
...especially the one who hasn't
been registered with the militia
for military service.
- upposing war suddenly breaks out
with imperialist predators?
- l'm not going to war.
You are completely lacking in Political
consciousness, Citizen harikov.
- You must register for military service.
- l'll register all right, but
l'll be damned if l'm going to fight.
l was severely wounded during the
operation. Look - they cut me right open.
Are you an anarchist-individualist?
- l ought to be exempt on medical grounds.
- Well, that's not the point.
Meanwhile, we'll send the Professor's
certificate to the militia...
...and you will get your document.
Do you happen to have a spare room in
the house? l'd be prepared to pay for it.
No, Professor, l deeply
regret we don't.
And aren't likely to have any.
l swear, Doctor, that l'm more exhausted
following the past fortnight than
from the past fourteen years!
- top, thief!
- Let it go.
A cat! l'll strangle the bastard! op!
How many times have l ordered there
should be no cats. Where is it now?
There he is, in the bathroom,
the devil.
lvan Arnoldovich, please reassure
the patients. Open up this instant!
- l'll get you!
- There it is. The cat's here.
Come out at once! Why have
you locked yourself in?
What on earth... l can't hear
a thing - turn the water off.
- Turn the water off!
- Turn the water off, you idiot!
- What's he done? l don't understand.
- There he is.
Have you gone out of your mind?
Why don't you come out of there?
- l've locked myself in.
- Unlock the door then.
- Haven't you ever seen a lock before?
- The goddamned thing won't open!
- There's a small button on the lock.
- A small button.
- Press it downward.
- Down.
Press it down! Down.
l can't see my paw before my face!
- Well turn the light on, then!
He's gone crazy! - A dog.
That goddamned cat smashed the bulb...
...and when l tried to catch the bastard
by the legs, l wrenched out the tap,
and now l can't find it!
Oh Lord Jesus Christ
have mercy on us.
What do you want?
l've come from Pskov, a pilgrim.
l've come to see the talking dog.
- Out, out of the kitchen.
- he's from Pskov...
Get out.
Darya Petrovna, l've
asked you before...
But Philip Philipovich, People
keep coming in all day long!
- Quick, Fyodor!
- Just a moment, l'll get the lamp.
- Fyodor, quick!
- Coming, coming.
Fyodor, what is it?
Philip Philipovich, we'll have
to open the door.
We must let the water run out.
We can mop it up from the kitchen.
Open it, then!
Dear God.
- l only just managed to get the tap
back in. The pressure is so strong.
- Where is he?
Over there. He's afraid to come out.
Will you beat me, Dad?
What d'you think you're doing, you fool,
spreading it all over the flat!
Pour it into the bowl.
The bowl is no use, the water's
running out the front door.
Oh what a fool.
There will be no reception today.
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