on my foot.
- Let's kick his ass.
- Cool off.
- We're seniors.
- Goddamn geek!
Ah, well. Sit and spin.
That little prick.
You piece of shit fag.
You like to suck big dicks?
- Cut it out.
- Say, "I like to suck big dicks."
Leave him alone, Ram.
(Kid) Ow!
Say it.
Say it!
OK, OK.
You like to suck big dicks.
Ow!
I like to suck big dicks.
Mmm... Mmm.
I can't get enough of 'em.
Are you satisfied?
Don't worry. Ram's been so sweet lately,
consoling me and stuff.
It'll be really very. Promise.
OK. Just as long as
it won't be one of those nights
where they get shitfaced
and take us to a pasture to tip cows.
(Mooing)
(Giggling)
- Is it sleeping, dude?
- I think so, man.
- (Laughter)
- Shh!
Come here.
Oh, shit. Cow tipping is the fucking greatest!
Punch it in.
Shit. On the count of three, guy.
(Both) One...
two... three!
When I get that feeling,
I need sexual healing.
Yeah, right, asshole.
What is this shit?
Doing a favour for Heather. Double date.
I tried to tell you at the funeral
but you rode off.
Another fucking Heather.
I'm sorry. I'm feeling a little superior tonight.
Seven schools in seven states
and the only thing different
is my locker combination.
Our love is god. Let's go get a slushie.
I'm not belittling the foodless fund, Peter,
but we're talking teen suicide here.
The number one song in America today
is Teenage Suicide Don't Do It by Big Fun.
Westerburg finally got one of these things
and I'm not gonna blow it.
So Heather gets the front page and
I get crammed in by the Taco Bell coupon.
Hi, guys, I came to check up
on this week's lunch-time poll topic.
Don't worry about it, Veronica.
Sit down, huh?
That funeral yesterday
must have really been rough, huh?
Oh, yeah.
We were wondering if you had any poems,
artwork that Heather did
that we can put in
the Heather Chandler yearbook spread?
The what?
Look, it's a two-page layout with
her suicide note right up here in the corner.
It's more tasteful than it sounds.
I don't know, Dennis,
this stuff leaves a bad taste in my mouth.
Like last night, Veronica?
Excuse me? I don't get it.
You did last night.
Kurt told us of your little date.
Yeah, and? I left him drunk
and flailing in cow shit.
Well, I don't know. He was really detailed.
- Shh.
- Shut up, Courtney.
No, don't shut up.
I'd like to know exactly what I did.
Come on, Veronica.
I'll show you the lunch-time poll topic.
What the fuck?
I rarely listen to Neanderthals like Kurt Kelly
but he said that he and Ram
had a nice little sword fight
in your mouth last night.
Ew! That son of a bitch.
Hi, Kurt?
Hi, this is Veronica Sawyer.
I didn't expect to be calling, either.
I guess my emotions took over.
I was wondering if you wanted those things
you've been saying to really happen.
It's always been a fantasy of mine
to have two guys at once.
Oh, sure, you can write to Penthouse forum.
(Snickering)
Yeah, in the woods behind the school.
At dawn.
Don't forget Ram.
Why am I writing a suicide note when we're
just going to be shooting them with blanks?
We're not gonna be using blanks this time.
You can't be serious.
I am.
Listen, my Bonnie and Clyde days are over.
Wait a second, wait a second.
Do you take German?
French.
All right. These are echt Luger bullets.
My grandfather snared
a shitload of them back in WWII.
They're like tranquillisers,
only they break the skin's surface enough
to cause blood but no real damage.
So it looks like
the person's been shot and killed
and really they're just
unconscious and bleeding?
Oh.
Right.
See, we shoot Kurt and Ram,
make it look like they shot each other
and by the time they regain consciousness,
they'll be the laughing stock of the school.
The note's the punch line.
How'd that turn out?
First tell me the similarity is not incredible.
It's incredible similarity.
OK. Ahem.
"Ram and I died the day we realised
"we could never reveal our forbidden love
to an uncaring