not... -Young love... -Did you hear? School's cancelled today, because Kurt and Ram killed themselves in a repressed homosexual suicide pact. -No way! -God! -Football season is over, Veronica. -Kurt and Ram had nothing to offer this school but date rapes and AIDS jokes. -Sure... Could we make an ice run before the funeral? -If there's any way you can hear me, Kurt buddy... I don't care that you really were some pansy... You're my own flesh and blood and you made me proud. My son's a homosexual and I love him! I love my dead gay son! -How do you think he'd react to a son that had a limp wrist with a pulse? -Dear diary. My teen angst bullshit has a body count. The most popular people in school are dead. Everybody is sad, but it's a wierd kind of sad. Suicide gave Heather depth, Kurt a soul, Ram a brain. I don't know what it's getting me, but I've got no control over myself when I'm with JD. Are we going to prom or to hell? -Now. It seems we were in a similar position on Monday, when I thoughtfully suggested we'd get everybody together for an unadultarated emotional outpour. But no. You took this as an opportunity to play yet another round of Lets Laugh At The Hippie. -Pauline... -Shut up, Paul! I've seen a lot of bullshit. Angel Dust, switchblades, sexually perversed photography exhibits involving tennis rackets... but this suicide thing... I guess that's more on Paulines wavelength. We're just gonna write off today, and on friday Pauline can hold her little "love-in", or whatever. -Attention! May I have your attention, please? This school has been torn apart by tragedies. I'm here today to fuse it back again, in togetherness. I want everybody to clap hands. We need to connect this cafeteria into one mighty circuit! Look! Here's the TV crew! Clap your hands! -Look's like Ms Phlegm's on another one of her crusades. Usual success, of course. -Hi, what's your name? -Hi, I'm Heather Duke. -Is this as good for you as it is for me? -Greetings and salutations! -I need a copy of all this by Monday for my Princeton application. -That thing this afternoon! I'm so angry! It was chaos, fucking chaos. -What are you talking about? -I mean, today was great! Chaos is great! Chaos is what killed the dinosaures, darling. Face it, our way is the way. I mean, we scare people into not being assholes! Our way is not 'our' way! -Tell that to the judge, alright. Tell it to Kurt Kelly! -'Oh, God, Veronica!' -I'm telling it to you! God, you can be SO immature! -Oh, you kids are making too much damn noise! -We beat the bitches. -Beautiful. The Beaver is home. -The judge told them to slurp shit and die. I put a Norwegian in the boiler room. Masterful! And then, when that blew... it set off a pack of thermals I stuck upstairs. Some days it's great to be alive. -Do you like your father? -I've never given the matter much thought. I liked my mother. They said her death was an accident, but she knew what she was doing. She walked into the building two minutes before my dad blew the place up. She waved at me, and then... Boom. -Dudes, if I'm getting one more request for that Big Fun song, _I_ am gonna commit suicide! -Hey, they're playing our song! -Here it is: "Teenage Suicide, don't do it". -That's it! We're breaking up! -What? -You you can't bring them back, you must know that. -I am not trying to bring anybody back except maybe myself. -And to think there was a time when I actually thought you were cool! Man, if you can't deal with me now, then just stay home and shoot your TV. Blow up a couple of toasters or something. Just don't come to school, and don't mess with me! -You'll be back! -Me and Martha Dumptruck? Where did you get this? -Ah, I just had the nicest little chat with Ms Dumptruck. We got along famously. Kind of scary though that everybody has got a little story to tell. Do you wanna see the canoeing shots? -What is this? Blackmail?
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