# I asked my mother, what will I be? # Will I be pretty? # Will I be rich? # Here's what she said to me # Que serб, serб # Whatever will be, will be # The future's not ours to see # Que serб, serб # What will be, will be # When I was just a child in school # I asked my teacher, what should I try? # Should I paint pictures? # Should I sing songs? # This was her wise reply # Que serб, serб # Whatever will be, will be # The future's not ours to see # Que serб, serб # What will be, will be... # Damn. It's your turn, Heather. No, Heather. It's Heather's turn. Heather. Sorry, Heather. # Que serб, serб # Whatever will be, will be # The future's not ours to see # Que serб, serб # What will be, will be # Que serб, serб # Dear diary... 'Heather told me she teaches people real life. 'She said real life sucks losers dry. 'If you want to fuck with the eagles, you have to learn to fly. 'I said, "So, you teach people to spread their wings and fly?" 'She said, "Yes." 'I said, "You're beautiful..."' God, come on, Veronica. What is your damage, Heather? Don't blame me, blame Heather. She told me to haul your ass into the caff pronto. Back me up, Heather. She really wants to talk to you, Veronica. OK, I'm going. Jesus Christ. Hello, Heather. Veronica. Finally. I got a note of Kurt Kelly's. I need you to forge a hot and horny but realistic note in Kurt's handwriting. We'll slip it onto Martha Dumptruck's lunch tray. I don't have anything against Martha Dunnstock. You don't have anything for her. Come on. It'll be very. The note will give her shower nozzle masturbation material for weeks. I'll think about it. Don't think. Veronica needs something to write on. Bend over. Dear Martha, you're so sweet... I'm telling you, man, it'd so be righteous to be in a Veronica Sawyer - Heather Chandler sandwich. Hell, yes. I want to put a Heather on my johnson and spin her around like a pinwheel. Punch it in. Westerburg feeds the world. Come on, people. Give that leftover lunch money to people who don't have lunches. God, aren't they fed yet? Do they even have thanksgiving in Africa? Oh, sure. Pilgrims, Indians, Tater Tots. It's a real party continent. Sawyer, guess what today is. Ouch. Lunch-time poll? What's the question? Yeah, what's the question, Heather? God, you were with me in study hall when I thought of it. I forgot. Such a pillowcase. It's not that bizarro thing you were babbling about over the phone last night, is it? Of course it is. I told Dennis if he gives me another political topic, I'd spew burrito chunks. Oh, Veronica, I'm sorry. Betty Finn. Gosh. I'm sorry I couldn't go to your birthday party last month. It's OK. Your mom said you had a big date. I'd probably miss my own birthday for a date. Don't say that. I was looking around the other day and I dug up these old photographs. Oh. They're great. Come on, Veronica. I was talking to somebody. Great. Here comes Heather. Oh, shit. - Hi, Courtney. Love your cardigan. - Thanks. I got it last night at The Limited. Like, totally blew my allowance. Check this out. You win $5 million from the Publisher Sweepstakes and the same day the guy gives you the cheque, aliens land on the earth and say they'll blow up the world in two days. What do you do? That's easy. I'd just slide that wad over to my father because he's one of the state's top brokers. If I got that money, I'd give it all to the homeless. Every cent. You're beautiful. If you're going to openly be a bitch... Why can't we talk to kinds of different people? Fuck me gently with a chainsaw. Do I look like Mother Teresa? If I did, I probably wouldn't mind talking to the geek squad. Did see that? Heather number one just looked right at me. Does it not bother you that everybody thinks you're a piranha? Like I give a shit. They all want me as a friend or a fuck. I'm worshiped at Westerburg and I'm only a junior. I
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