blew the place up. She waved at me and then... boom. (DJ) 'Dudes, if I get one more request for that Big Fun song, 'I'm gonna commit suicide.' Playing our song. 'Here it is, Teenage Suicide Don't Do It.' # Teenage suicide # Don't do it # Teenage suicide # She blew it # Teenage suicide # Don't do it... # That's it. We're breaking up. What? You can't bring them back, you must know that. I'm not trying to bring anybody back except maybe myself. No! To think once I actually thought you were cool. If you can't deal with me now then just stay home and shoot your TV, blow up a couple toasters or something. Just don't come to school and don't mess with me. You'll be back. Me and Martha Dumptruck? Where did you get this? Oh, I just had the nicest little chat with Ms Dumptruck. Got along famously. It's scary how everybody's got a little story to tell. Want to see the canoeing shots? What is this? Blackmail? I'll give you a week's lunch money. I don't want your money. I want your strength. Westerburg does not need mushy togetherness, it needs a strong leader. Heather Chandler was that leader but... But she couldn't handle it. I think you can. Moby Dick is dunked. The white whale drank some bad plankton and splashed through a coffee table and now it's your turn to take the helm. What about the photographs? Oh, don't worry. I'll ask you to do me a favour and it'll be one you'll enjoy. You'll get the negatives back then. But in the meantime, strength. Here's a little gift... from Heather to Heather. - Guess who. - Heather? 'Hello? ' Hello, Betty? This is Veronica. I don't believe it, I'm winning! Don't you start getting cocky on me, girl. I really missed you. I know I'm not as exciting as your other friends. That is bullshit. Shoot. Do you know I'm still a virgin? OK, I French-kissed Al Springer once. It was a total disaster. Shoot the ball. Betty, your daydreams are a lot better than my realities, believe me. But now, prepare to die. Ronnie. You're not just going for those two shots. I mean, go ahead, knock me out. It's the only way to win. It's not my style. Nice guys finish last, I should know. Bravo. Bravo. Listen, I got to get home, OK? OK. Thanks. Bye, Betty. Bye. Betty, leaving so soon? I'm red. (Crowd cheering) (Slurp) (Pauline) 'The Westerburg suicides were tough on all of us, 'but we shared the pain of losing three very popular students. 'I came into the cafeteria, asked them to hold hands... ' Isn't that that flake we met at the open house? '... burst of cleansing synchronicity, 'TV cameras happened onto our path and captured... ' Cleansing synchronicity? Outpouring of emotion? (Dad) Ha! Look! There's Heather. There's Heather. Where are you, Veronica? 'Before a teenager decides to kill himself, there are certain facts that he should know. 'After all, this decision affects all of us and there's only one chance to get it right.' (Horns honk, tyres screech) 'Getting some supervi... ' Turn that back on. These programmes are eating suicide up. They're making it sound like a cool thing to do. Are you trying to tell me it's not a time for troubled youth? Stand up straight. All we want is to be treated like human beings, not patronised like bunny rabbits. I don't patronise bunny rabbits. Treated like human beings? Is that what you said, little Miss Voice-of-a-generation? How do you think adults act with other adults? You think it's all just a game of doubles tennis? When teenagers complain they want to be treated like human beings, it's because they are being treated like human beings. Well, I guess I picked the wrong time to be a human being. Well, you'll live. Want some pвtй? (Door opens) Hi, everybody. Door was open. Veronica, have you heard? We were doing Chinese at the food fair when we heard Martha Dumptruck tried to buy the farm. She belly-flopped in front of a car wearing a suicide note.
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