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is to be treated like human beings.
Not experimented on like guinea pigs,
or patronized like bunny rabbits.
-I don't patronize bunny rabbits!
-Treated like human beings?
Is that what you said,
little Ms. Voice-of-a-Generation?
Just, how do you think adults act with other adults?
Do you think it's just like a game of doubles tennis?
When teenagers complain that
they wants to be treated like human beings,
it's usually because
they ARE being treated like human beings.
-I guess I picked the wrong time to be a human being.
-You'll live...
Want some pate?
-Hi everybody, the door was open.
Veronica, have you heard?
We were doing chinese at the food fair
when it comes over the phone that
Martha Dumptruck tried to buy the farm.
She belly flopped in front of a car,
wearing a suicide note.
-Is she dead?
-No, that's the punchline.
She's alive, and in stabile condition.
Just another example of a geek trying to imitate
the popular people at school, failing miserably.
Is that pate?
-I said I was sorry!
-You were out of control!
I mean, Heather and Kurt were a shock,
but Martha Dumptruck?
Get crucial. She has dialed
the suicide hotline since she was in diapers.
-You're not funny.
-Look.
Martha couldn't take the heat,
so she got out of the kitchen.
Just think what a better place this world would be
if every moron followed her cue.
-Shut up. Hot Probs is on.
-Oh, shit, yeah.
-It's like Skip is Ok, but still,
sometimes I feel like I'm on that island...
And Gilligan can just be so stupid sometimes.
-Well, dude, just remember:
if it wasn't for the fearless crew,
the minnow would be lost, and you are too.
-Next call!
-That sounded like a big one.
-You've got the dog catcher!
-My name is Heather.
No, it's not Heather.
No
It's Madonna.
Jeez, no, not that.
-Hey babe, I need a name.
-My name is Tweety.
-Tweety? Oh, tweet!
-God has cursed me, I think.
The last guy I had sex with, killed himself the next day.
I'm failing math, my whole life is a mess.
I was supposed to be captain of the cheerleading team...
-She knows we listen to this show...
-Holy shit! We'll crucify her!
-My parents are divorced and stuff...
-Heather told everyone about Heather.
Yes, dear diary.
I cut off Heather Chandlers head,
and Heather Dukes head has sprung right back in its place,
like some mythological thing
my eigth grade boyfriend would have known about.
Heather's even doing the old note trick.
I've seen JD's way.
I've seen Ms Pauline Flemings way
and nothing has changed.
I guess that's Heathers way.
And Jesus, what about JD?
I can't get him out of my head!
Wait. Where's Heather going?
-Where's Heather going?
-She's going to cry!
-Fucking child protected caps!
-Where's she going?
-Heather!
-What are you trying to do? Kill me?
-What are you trying to do? Sleep?
-Suicide is a private thing.
-Heather, you're throwing your life away
to become a statistics in the US fucking A Today.
That's about the least private thing I can think of.
-What about Heather and Kurt and Ram?
-If everyone jumped off a bridge, would you?
-Probably.
-If you're happy every day of your life,
you wouldn't be a human being,
you'd be a game show host.
-What do you say we knock off early and
buy some shoes or something lame like that?
-OK.
-So it has come to this...
Heather Chandler did polls,
I want you to do a petition.
As a favour. As THE favour.
You've heard of the group Big Fun, right?
-That's right. "Teenage suicide, don't do it".
-Right. Some teeny-bopper rag say
they want to play a prom.
Could be Westerburg's if we get everybody's John Hancock.
-I'll get right on, coach.
A little gift for you, I won't be needing it.
-Heather?
-Veronica. Color me stoked, girl.
I've gotten everybody to sign this petition.
Even those who think Big Fun are tuneless Euro fags.
People love me! You know, you haven't signed yet.
-People love you, but I know you.
Jennifer Forbes said the petition
she signed was
Смертельное влечение Смертельное влечение

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