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to your birthday party last month.
-It's okay. Your mom said you had a big date.
Think I'd probably miss my own birthday for a date.
-Don't say that.
-I was looking around the other day and I dug up...
these old photographs.
-Ohh, they're great.
-Come on, Veronica.
-I was talking to somebody.
-Great, it's Heather.
-Oh, shit.
-Hi, Courtney. Love your cardigan.
-Thanks. I just got it last night at Limited.
Like totally blew my allowance.
-Check this out.
You win five million dollars from the Publisher's Sweepstakes,
and the same day that that big Ed guy gives you the cheque,
aliens land on the earth and say
they're going to blow up the world in two days.
What do you do?
-That's easy.
I'd just slide that wad over to my father,
cos he is like one of the top brokers in the State.
-If I got that money,
I'd give it all to the homeless.
Every cent.
-You're beautiful.
-If you're going to openly be a bitch -
-It's just, Heather,
why can't we talk to different kinds of people?
-Fuck me gently with a chainsaw.
Do I look like Mother Theresa?
If I did, I probably wouldn't mind talking to the geek squad.
-Did you see that? Heather #1 just looked right at me!
-Does it not bother you that everybody
in this school thinks that you're a piranha?
-Like I give a shit.
They all want me as a friend or a fuck.
I'm worshiped at Westerburg, and I'm only a junior.
-I can't believe this.
We're going to a party at Remington University tonight,
and we're brushing up on our conversational skills
with the scum of the school.
-So this is what's called a lunchtime poll.
You win five million dollars in the Publisher's Sweepstakes...
-...and the same day that what's-his-face gives you the cheque...
-...aliens land on earth, and...
...say they're gonna blow up the world in two days.
-What are you gonna do with the money?
-I'd go to Egypt. With a girl.
-I'd use the money for an end-of-the-world get-together.
-I'd pay Madonna a million bucks to sit on my face
and have her ride like the Kentucky derby...
-That's gotta be the most spooky-assed question I ever heard.
-Alright, this is important. Tax is only the beginning...
-...she should pay me, though.
-You go to the zoo and get a lion,
then you put a remote-control bomb up its butt...
-...social security, legal fees...
-...you push the button on the bomb,
and you and the lion die like one.
-Oh my God. Here we go.
-Hi, Veronica.
Five keeps the neighbourhood alive.
-You wanted to be a member
of the most powerful clique in school.
If I wasn't already the head of it,
I'd want the same thing.
Come on Veronica, you used to have a sense of humour.
-Veronica, can you come back here a minute?
-True friend's work is never done.
-Gross. Grow up, Heather.
Bulimia is so '87.
-You know, maybe you should see a doctor.
-Yeah, maybe.
-Come on, Heather,
let's take another look at today's lunch.
-God, Veronica, drool much?
-His name's Jason Dean.
He's in my American History.
-Hello Jason Dean.
-Greetings and salutations.
You're a Heather?
-No, I'm a Veronica... Sawyer.
-This may seem like a really stupid question.
-There are no stupid questions.
-You inherit five million dollars.
The same day aliens land on the earth
and say they're gonna blow it up in two days.
What do you do?
-That's the stupidest question I've ever heard.
-Who does that guy in the coat think he is,
anyways, Bo Diddley?
-Veronica's into his act, no doubt.
-Ahh, I don't know.
Probably row out to the middle of a lake somewhere,
bring along a bottle of Tequila,
my sax and... some bac'.
-How very.
-Come on, Veronica.
-Let's kick his ass!
-Shit Ram. We're seniors man.
We're too old for that kinda crap.
Let's give him a good scare, though.
-You gonna eat this?
-What did your boyfriend say
when you told him you were moving to Sherwood, Ohio?
-Answer him, dick.
-Hey Ram, doesn't this cafeteria
have a "no fags allowed"
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