perfecto thing
I picked up -
mineral water.
Come on, a lot of people
drink mineral water. It's come a long way.
Yeah, but this is Ohio.
If you don't have a brewski in your hand,
you might as well be wearing a dress.
Oh, you're so smart.
Hi, Veronica.
Hi, guys.
Glad you could make it.
So should I just whip it out or...
Well, I've made a circle
on each side of the clearing.
Ram, you come over here.
Kurt.
When you get to the circle, strip.
What about you?
I was hoping you could
rip my clothes off me, sport.
Oh.
Good idea.
OK. Count of three, guys.
One...
two...
- Three!
- (Gunshot)
(Screams)
You missed him completely?
It was worth it just to see the look...
Don't move. I'll get him back.
Ha!
- No.
- Now!
- Hey, I heard it that time.
- What?
Another gunshot from the woods.
Oh, shit. Let's roll!
Kurt doesn't look too good.
Just remember he's left-handed.
(Cop) Keep going until you hit the clearing.
Come on.
- Mother of shit!
- Call in.
- (Rustling)
- Hey, I heard something out there.
I'm checking it out.
This is Officer McCord.
I've got two dead bodies in the woods
behind Westerburg High.
Whoa! Whoa!
(Radio) 'Milner, can you hear me?
What's going down? '
Yeah... I think what I heard
was just a bunny rabbit.
All I've got here is two kids
making out in a station wagon.
'Should I pry them apart? '
No. Forget it.
I got all the answers back here.
Hey...
are they naked?
Yeah, so what's the deal?
Suicide. Double suicide.
They shot each other.
Hey, that's Kurt Kelly.
Yeah, and the linebacker, Ram Sweeney.
Phew. My God, suicide. Why?
Does this answer your question?
Oh, man. They were fags.
Listen up. "We realised we could never
reveal our forbidden love
"to an uncaring
and un-understanding world."
Jesus H Christ!
The quarterback buggering the linebacker.
What a waste.
Oh, the humanity.
So we killed them, didn't we?
Yeah. Of course.
Echt Luger bullets. I'm such an idiot.
Look, you believed it
because you wanted to believe it.
Your true feelings
were too gross and icky for you to face.
I did not want them dead.
- You did too.
- I did not.
Did too.
- I did not.
- Did too.
- Did not.
- Did too.
- Did not! Did not!
- Did too!
Shut up! I did not want them dead.
- Come on, you did. You're just...
-  Mary had a little lamb... 
(Veronica screeching) I did not!
Young love!
School's cancelled today
because Kurt and Ram killed themselves
in a repressed homosexual suicide pact!
No way.
God!
The football season is over, Veronica.
Kurt and Ram
had nothing to offer the school
but date rapes and AIDS jokes.
(Sighs) Sure.
Can we make an ice run
before the funeral?
If there's any way
you can hear me, Kurt buddy...
I don't care that
you really were some... pansy.
You're my own flesh and blood
and you made me proud.
My son's a homosexual and I love him.
I love my dead, gay son.
How do you think he'd react to a son
that had a limp wrist with a pulse?
(Sniggers)
'Dear diary, my teen angst bullshit
has a body count.
'The most popular people
in school are dead.
'Everybody's sad
but it's a weird kind of sad.
'Suicide gave Heather depth,
Kurt a soul, Ram a brain.
'I don't know what it's given me
'but I've got no control
over myself when I'm with JD.
'Are we going to prom or to hell? '
Now, it seems we were in
a similar position on Monday
when I thoughtfully suggested
we get everybody together
for an unadulterated
emotional outpouring, but no.
You took this as an opportunity
to play yet another round
of "let's laugh at the hippy".
- Pauline...
- Shut up, Paul.
I've seen a lot of bullshit -
angel dust, switchblades,
sexually perverse photography exhibits
involving tennis rackets -
but this suicide thing...
guess that's more on Pauline's wavelength.
We're just going to write off today
and on Friday she can hold
her little love-in or whatever.
Whatever.
Attention!
May I have your attention, please?
This school has been