never recover,
'cause that's four years
in a formative life...
it's gone, so there's,
if not a dearth,
there's a change in the path.
We have spent
the last several years
consciously trying...
at least I have,
and I think my son and daughter
have felt the same...
trying to build
a new relationship, really,
a new relationship,
based on who we are now
and what we know about the past.
And then my alcoholism
got in the way as well.
That made me remote
when I was around.
During the period of time
when your marriage
was breaking up,
what did you find
yourself doing?
My marriage broke up
in the late '80s,
mid to late '80s,
and with hardly
any lapse of time,
I began to see the lady
who is now my wife,
who I dearly love and have
a great relationship with
and have had a wonderful
13 years with.
I still mourn the loss
of the idea
of the great first marriage.
It was part of our generation
to have a marriage
that lasted and lasted
and lasted,
and I stayed 33 years.
Did you stay too long?
Yeah, I think so.
I think so.
I really don't know why,
except it was traditional...
We were programmed.
Yeah, exactly,
it was programming.
I was concerned about the kids.
Finally, I thought,
"Well, they're old enough now,
we can deal with this."
And to some degree, I was wrong.
They were in deep shock
for quite a while over it.
And loyalty,
it's a question of loyalties
and how do you deal with this,
and how do you deal
with the separation,
and one has bad feelings
about the other,
because it was not
a happy ending.
Then you come to success.
Look at this.
Look at this place.
This is material success.
But in addition to that,
you and your wife
are still happily married.
Peace, peace, peace,
serenity, serenity.
You know, I would think
that's your search.
I wake up in the morning,
I sometimes think...
I finally got my reward,
for the tough times.
I really do. I feel
rewarded for the tough times.
And I used to make promises
to myself.
"If I ever make it,
if I ever make a living,
"if I ever become solid,
I will do this,
and I will do that."
What's "this" and "that"?
I mean, become a substantial
member of the community,
become philanthropic,
become helpful to other people.
Uh, and we try to do
that all the time now.
Yes, I know we do.
I feel greatly blessed.
So you've reached a serenity?
Yeah. Yeah.
These are good times for us.
And I have remarried.
And you are happy.
Happy, wonderfully happy.
And have not stopped yearning
and fighting and grasping
and crawling and clawing
and thinking,
"I can do this,
I can get that,
I can make this happen,"
or whatever it is.
And I get up in the morning,
and I'm starting to go,
you know.
Running, running, running.
And the body is still there.
I don't have the aches
and pains that I should have.
So, I'm physically all right.
Yeah, well, you're
a lot older than I am.
- Yeah.
- (laughing)
I just don't feel it.
So, I'm still thinking
the Holy Grail is ahead,
I still haven't made it.
What do you dream
about accomplishing?
Making another film,
directing, writing...
producing it.
I don't want to direct anymore.
As you know, I'm very busy
with photography these days.
That's my most satisfying
creative activity every day.
Why? What do you see in it?
I love to make that product,
I love to make images.
And I dream about images.
I do what is referred to
as "Fine Art" photography.
It's a creative process.
So I'm not reporting.
I'm creating something
from the camera.
And what is it you're creating,
what do you define
what it is you're creating?
- Memory.
- Your memory.
My memory
or a collective memory.
Society's memory.
Something you'll
make me remember.
Something that we all remember.
Something distant
in our vague...
Jung's collective memory.
That's right.
- Eros.
- Eros.
In terms of the erotic.
Yes.
Love and spirituality.
Hopefully,
it all comes together.
Hopefully,
you