it was natural that he should feel low.
MARUSYA
Will you get it of your chest?
Tell me, why are you depressed?
Has the salad a la Milan got
No truffles in it, or what?
FEDOT
No, Marie, I love your food,
It's extraordinarily good!
I'm just worried that my life
Has been ruined to the root!
What am I supposed to do?
Who can help me, maybe you?
This time the Tsar ordered me
To get Something That Can't Be!
MARUSYA
There's no use to worry at all,
All I have to do is call:
Stand before me, Frol and Tit,
Get immediately what we need!
Two burly fellows
appear in front of her.
Do you hear what I say?
Go and do it without delay!
FELLOWS
Sorry, mistress, we resign
For it's out of our line.
If we had a sketch or drawing,
We could work it out fine!
There's no use to search like this,
We won't venture, don't insist,
Where is it, something unreal,
Something that does not exist?
There's no use to scout around
For the thing that can't be found!
MARUSYA
Darling, don't be hard on me,
I can't help it, as you see,
Nothing doing, you will have
To search for it yourself, my love!
When abroad don't make a sin,
Keep your mind and body clean,
Do not enter conversations,
And don't strike up an acquaintance!
Take care, dear, don't go astray,
Keep from empty troubles away,
Eat sour cream and cottage cheese.
Think about your health, that is.
FEDOT
You don't need to have a fright,
Everything will be all right,
I shall carry the task out
And return home safe and sound!
Don't lose heart while I'm away,
Water flowers every day,
There's a tambour, a balalaika,
You can do the needlework or play.
Should somebody bother you,
You know well what you can do,
I don't have to teach you, dear,
The frying pan is over here!
Soldier Fedot had left abroad.
When the General learnt that
he went totally mad.
He rushed to the court to report
that it was the end of Soldier Fedot.
The god damn General had
even made a hole in his coat
for the medal
he hadn't yet got!
TSAR
Tell me good or bad news,
It must be the bare truth,
Which I know is never nice,
Yet it's better than sweet lies!
However, if the news you've got
Is something like I don't know what,
I can tell you, you'll be jailed
For ten years, you mark my word!
GENERAL
Your majesty, let me report:
At break of day Soldier Fedot
Set of’on a mission voyage,
We've got rid of him, thank God!
May the scoundrel rove the seas,
A good lesson to him it is!
You and I are now secure
From seeing his ugly face, for sure!
TSAR
Nurse, hey, Nurse, will you come here?
There's some work for you , my dear,
I've got hairs that are grey,
Will you tear them away?
As for those that aren't grey
Shape them in a proper way,
Take it easy with the brush,
I've got hair there, not hay!
NURSEMAID
What's there to brush, you dry old stick?
Your hair is not that thick ,
Every hair that you have
Must be registered, I think!
Tell me, why d'you need a wife
Now that you have lived your life?
I can tell you: as a man,
Sorry... you aren't worth a damn!
TSAR
Well, although my hair is grey,
I must marry anyway.
The shah of Persia's just as bold,
He's got forty wives, they say!
As for me I want a wife,
Only one, not three or five.
Do you think I cannot make it,
In the sense of intimate life?
NURSEMAID
The shah has obviously got
Might and strength while you have not!
You're so small, you gnat, that one
Cannot see you under the crown!
At your age you're not so strong
As you were when you were young.
Think about your health, you're over
A hundred, if I'm not wrong.
TSAR
I'm over a hundred, well, so what?
I feel young, my blood is hot!
After all, it is well known
That all ages are love-prone!
So whatever you might think,
I'm fit for such a thing,
I'm liable to love
Like any other human being!
NURSEMAID



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